Hi I am new to tiny buddha and most likely this will be a little long so hopefully you that you are reading will stick through the whole thing.

I am 32 and by now most of my friends are married or with a boyfriend. This weekend one of my friends will be getting engaged and her bf has asked the group of friends to be there and celebrate and all. To be honest I don’t feel happy for her, I don’t feel sad either I just don’t feel a thing and don’t feel like going and celebrating. We are on a group text and everyone is just so excited and commenting on the whole thing that will happen on Sat, and I just hate to be reading through this messages. I honestly don’t feel a thing about her getting engaged and married neither positive nor negative, but is just so disconecting to me how everyone else is happy and sharing all their oh my goshes and wows and how I just don’t feel a thing.

I don’t have a boyfriend nor a plands to get married in the near future and both are two things that I do want for my life but to be honest I just don’t see how they will happen, they just seem so far away even though I do want them so bad. Everyone else is always talking about men and dates, and how they either want to be married, want to be dating or how the dates are going and I am like “I don’t share nothing of what they talk about because is foreign and I am not living it”. I do live the work thing because I have a job and I do enjoy it  a lot, and that’s about it.

I am going through a financial patch we can say and I have had to refrain from going on a trip with all of them. I recieved a bit of a heat for it but hey I’m not going to put any more strain on my situation. I could’ve had made the effort but again the thought of being with them not being connected with them just didn’t seem appealing.

I feel I cannot share with them what goes on with me because is just so foreign to them, I feel I will be judged or not taken seriously because is something they are not going through. It is starting to get lonely and at the same time it is starting to anger me. I feel like I have to be understanding of their situation but they cannot be or will not be understanding of my situation. Sometimes I do recieve a bit of heat because I just join them in very specific ocasions, and for a little while (it is exhausting for me) and I am not practically pasted to them on every single situation (for instance if we agree to go out at night, they will be together since lunch, dinner and then out, I will join them only to go out). I do like to have friends, I do like to be social, I do like to go out, have fun in my own way, letting loose in my own way, dancing, smiling etc but at the same time I don’t like to feel the preassure of being with them all the time at every moment.

Thank you if you’ve read until this part so far.