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Feeling disconnected from friends

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  • July 26, 2017 at 4:52 pm #160418
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Ana Iris,

    I can relate to your post, I am probably quite a bit older than you, but I have several mental health diagnosis that I am in intensive therapy for, and sadly, I have never been able to maintain a long term relationship. All I knew as a child was an Alcoholic mother who threw beer bottles, went on drinking binges, abandoned my siblings and I in motels, I had a nanny who my dad hired, she loved us very much, but my father would travel alot for business and he did not know my mother would come home drunk and fire the nanny again leaving us alone. I did not receive the love and nurturing I needed as a child, all I knew was turbulence and chaos. Even though, I am in intensive therapy and medication, I still have been unable to date or have a healthy relationship.

    Over the years and decades, I have seen so many friends get married, have long term happy relationships. When my co-workers talked about their weekends with their husbands or boyfriends, I couldn’t deal with it and walked away. I have never gone to weddings although I have been invited, because it would have depressed me. I have only been to my 1/2 brothers and my Dad’s wedding and couldnt wait to leave. I felt like a loser and lonely.

    Now, I am at the age, where I don’t mind if I will be single for the rest of my life because I see so many divorces or people in bad or unhappy, toxic relationships. Sometimes the grass is not greener on the other side.

    July 27, 2017 at 4:45 am #160468
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ana Iris:

    You wrote that you are troubled by how “everyone else is happy and sharing all their oh my goshes and wows” while you feel nothing about the upcoming engagement of a friend.

    It is very possible that some of the happy respondents are not happy as well, but they express their “goshes and wows” so to appear happy. Appearing happy about someone’s engagement and marriage is the socially accepted response.

    Appearances may be deceiving and often, they are. You know what you feel but you don’t know what another person feels, you can only witness how they behave, what they express.

    anita

    July 29, 2017 at 10:37 am #160966
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Ana Iris,

    I was just thinking about you, and hope you are feeling better about things. Please feel free to post anytime..x

    July 29, 2017 at 4:24 pm #160990
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Ana Iris,

    That is one of the prettiest nicknames I ever read on the board. I went through something similar as you, and the advice that helped me the most I think was to think about the person who you want to become and then create a list of steps that lead to that person. I usually simplify the person I want to become into goals and steps, and everyday you make progress toward one of those steps. Everyday you can become a little better. Focusing on the hope of progress at the end of the day can be a lot better feeling than feeling detached and alone.

    Also, I found focusing on helping other people can really help me to grow and feel better at the end of the day because I can reflect on the goodness I caused instead of focusing on things that I want to be different. I’ve never done this before, but I think it would be cool to help someone without them even knowing it so they don’t feel like they have to pay you back or something.

    Also, I’ve found that trying to become a person who loves to be by myself has caused me a lot of the happiness I have found. I don’t really linger too much over what other people think anymore, which is where the source of a lot of problems often begin. Become the person you want to be, the best person you can be.

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