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Feeling Abandoned

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  • #78032
    Marki
    Participant

    Hello guys

    So for the past few years I’ve been questionning my friendships. I don’t consider myself a popular kid, but I did have a lot of friends. During highschool days, I would hang out with my friends and talk to them almost everyday at school or by texting them. But whenever I try to plan something to do with them outside of school, it would never work. During summer, they practically disappear. They don’t reply and I know they have nothing else to do except watching Netflix. How come during school when we are all busy studying they have time for me, but when we have nothing else to do during summer they stop talking to me?
    I didn’t think much of it until now. I just finished my first year in college. Last summer I kept telling my friends we had to stay in touch even though we were going to different schools. They all agreed but no one kept the promise.
    Now, I’m trying to call them, text them whatever. Some don’t reply. Some does reply but then after 2-3 texts stop answering. I’m starting to think they don’t care about me as much as I do for them. My family is pretty lazy and no one’s around my age anyway, so my friends are the only ones I can have fun with. I’m on summer break now and I have no one to hang out with. I even realized that some unfriended me on facebook (I know it’s childish but facebook is the only way I can contact some of my friends, so finding out they unfriended me kinda hurts). I can’t help but think that maybe they never were my friends. If they were, back in higshcool they would have participated in my activities, right? One day I planned an outing at a mini golf place, everyone saw my message, but no one replied. But when it’s someone else they are all in… I’m feeling abandoned, I’m alone this summer. I have nothing to do and no one to reach… I don’t understand because we really were friends. It wasn’t one sided. Unless they are all hypocrites and I never found out?
    Are they too busy to have time for me? But even when I’m busy I always make time for them…
    Do they not care about me?
    Am I the one not trying hard enough?
    Or maybe I’m paranoid?
    Maybe they find me annoying?
    Are my expectations too high?
    Did they found new friends and gave up on me?
    I can’t seem to find the answer… Is this situation normal? Should I find new friends?
    I’m at this point where I just gave up, I’m tired of always being the one to try. If I don’t text them, they don’t call to catch up with me.

    During my first year of college, I got depressed and I was feeling so bad. I was crying 5 times a day (literally) and none of them really knew about that. Everytime I was trying to talk about myself they would change the subject. I started to think maybe I was being too selfish trying to always redirect the conversation to me. But I needed someone to talk to back then. At the end, I got through it alone with my school psychologist, still my confidence and self-esteem now are now practically non existent… And no one ever knew about it. It was the worst moment of my life and they weren’t there

    So what are your thoughts on this? :/
    Sorry for the long post…

    #78082
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear marki:
    i am sorry for your pain. As to your question: “Am I the one not trying hard enough?” I think you ARE trying hard enough- not trying is not your problem, I think. MAybe is is in HOW you are trying. So I would examine the HOW.

    I wonder if there is a way for you to get feedback from a friend who unfriended you as to the why. I don’t know if such will answer you if you asked, if he/ she will answer you honestly… feedback from a decent, mature-enough, trusted individual will help. Finding out what you put out there and what are the responses. For example if you go on and on about the same thing and you don’t listen to the other’s input… if the other feels invisible because you only do the “me, me, me” talking…. I don’t know. Investigate….find out, get information, and proceed from there.

    It is like the scientific method: there is the PROBLEM, HYPOTHESIS.. then gathering information, observations, analysis. Find out…
    anita

    #78105
    Lola Deedes
    Participant

    Hey marki,

    I have been through a similar situation. I wasn’t popular at school but I had friends and had friends after school, people who I spoke to all the time via text or phone calls and would
    Meet up regularly. But whenever I wanted to do something different no one would want to do it with me so I always would do the things everyone else wanted to do. It got to a point where I started growing up and my friends just fell away one by one, I realised that they didn’t care about me and that was really hard. I couldn’t understand it, had I done something wrong? No one would tell me why or if I had done anything wrong. But I realised that you can’t rely on your friends for anything. People come and go. When you speak to adults, it is rare that adults are still friends with the friends from school. It’s a learning curve, don’t take it personally – if anything take the positive. You don’t want to waste your time with people who don’t care about you. If people care about you they will make the effort to be in your life. You shouldn’t be trying hard with them – friendships should be easy and simple. You’ll find your friends as you grow up. Live your life. Be confident and happy within yourself and then people will be attracted to you. I was the same, I thought I was selfish but couldn’t understand why none of my friends were there for me when I was going through tough times. But you have to be strong enough in yourself first. Don’t blame yourself because it’s not you – it’s them! Hope that helps a bit!

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