Tracey,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand how alone we feel sometimes. Sometimes when we look outside ourselves for comfort, we find that people are busy with their own stuff, and don’t have a spare shoulder to lend. Said differently, perhaps your partner and friends have a yoke on their shoulders, and it prevents them from being able to respond tenderly to your needs. Why fret that, though? Its not their job to bring you comfort, that’s your job. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that sometimes our light burns dim and we feel uncomfortable emotions. Its normal to reach out for mommy and daddy, to have them bring peace into our hearts when we get spooked. As we get older, if we don’t learn to bring that same comfort to ourselves, we end up reaching out a lot, being disappointed or agitated when we don’t get what we need.

To break free from this cycle, consider stop reaching out as much, learn to bring the same comfort to your own body. Perhaps take a bath with candles, go for a walk in nature, meditate, listen to soft music… anything that brings peace to your heart, mind. This helps us find our self reliance, so we do not become agitated when other people are busy/distracted/unavailable to help us. After all, they don’t owe you comfort, its a gift they bring when they have it to spare.

From a different direction, consider nurturing like a meal. We get stressed, and like being hungry, it pushes us toward eating. When we don’t know how to cook, and look to our partner to make us food, we can become very upset with them for not feeding us. “You bastard, don’t you see I’m hungry?” But, its not their job to feed us,that anger and isolation is only the hunger bashing up against the feeling of powerlessness to make our own food. Its not from them, its not because they aren’t doing well for us… we have to learn how to find the fridge ourselves, find the pantry, that way when we’re hungry, we eat. When we’re stressed, we self nurture. Surprise! Blue skies!

Namaste, dear sister, may your breath be fluid, peaceful.

With warmth,
Matt

Hi all,

I sometimes struggle with distorted thinking myself, perhaps we all do at some point….

Excellent wisdom Matt – I agree. I’ve heard of POWs keeping their sanity through strong control of their minds, that one guy mentally played his favorite golf course every day. Now that’s an example of looking within when those around you are hurting you, let alone neglecting.

Best to you Tracey and Intrepid. And Matt. 🙂

Big blue

Tracey,

Well… when the cycle gets tiresome enough, we build a yearning for freedom from it that lasts through the up times. Said differently, consider not waiting until you’re crying, sipping tea and exhausted. Be proactive! No excuses! Its your life sister, live it well.

Consider starting a loving-kindness meditation practice. When we collide with many experiences in our day to day life, our inner light, our feeling of appreciative joy, can begin to dim and flicker. This often results in a feeling of hopelessness and grief, like shadows creeping into a poorly lit room. As we sit and focus our attention on kind ideas, the inner light is rekindled, refreshed. Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested.

Finally, Tracey, I know it can be a big bite to turn away from our habit of getting comfort from others, feeling anger that others don’t solve our issues with feeling cruddy, and overcoming the sense of powerlessness. Its tough, dear sister, but its also our path to freedom. Consider that there is a wise, peaceful, happy being inside each of us, often buried under a mountain of stress and discomfort. Learning to set aside the mountain, to rest in that center being, the inner Goddess-Tracey, only really happens when you give up the cosmic shell game of “where’s my protector”. Put your butt on a cushion, cultivate some warm feelings, and you’ll wonder why you stressed so much, why the blue skies ever looked so cloudy. Excuses? Ha! They’re like a bird saying she doesn’t have wings. Its inside you, sis, the knowledge and wisdom it takes to be free. Find it!

With warmth,
Matt

Tracey,

I just wanted to let you know I struggle with the same thing. I work every day to comfort myself, to feed myself, but I still find it a struggle. I don’t know if it is easy for anyone, but if you struggle with depression and anxiety as I do, I think it is a tougher battle.

I will not give you advice. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone with feeling alone. I personally have no family, and because of a number of personal traumas in my childhood and adult life, I find I am afraid of people. I also think we are social animals, and we all need a bit of “humanness” in our lives.

Just again wanted to let you know you are not the only one who aches for comfort, and when you were never given that or taught that, it is hard to learn.

Take good care!

Hi Tracey,

Hope my posting helped.

Not sure how to contact you, other than to post on this forum. If you know, please message me. As I said, I find it hard to give myself comfort all the time, and I struggle with loneliness as well. I’m always trying new things and trying to find new ways to “feed” myself, but I still find it hard.

Take good care!