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Feel like i never existed!!

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  • August 21, 2013 at 1:54 pm #40926
    donnie6
    Participant

    I have been with my wife for 15 years, recently married in 2011.Its been a good relationship lots of laughter, been on holidays, cars and we bought a house togeather.She wrote poems in christmas and birthday cards to me saying what a great person i was. That i was her soulmate and we would be togeather forever. My wife had a lot of personnel issues due to not being loved by her mother who didnt even turn up for the wedding.I did my best to compensate for that and built my life round her i love her more than i can explain. My wife has suffered with bulimia even though i told her everyday i love her and how beautiful she is. After this christmas we decided to start a family, and everything was going fine till one night in march she said she wanted to go back on the pill cause there might be a promotion at work coming up and asked me to respect her wishes. I asked why cant we do both then next thing she asked for a divorce.That night it all fell apart.
    Over the next few weeks she was still doing breakfast and tea at night even though i was in the spare room.I pleaded with her for reasons and basically she blamed everything on me, making me feel worthless and that i had been the worst partner in the world.She was out one weekend and i was home alone when an email came through and it was a reciept for a hotel room. I drove over and caught her with another man, she wasnt even sorry and that was 4 weeks after she asked for a divorce. She has ripped my heart out and commited the ultimate betrayel in my eyes. The last five months have been hell on earth, i have been in some dark places had end of life thoughts, cried shouted been to doctors for help im a mess. This is only a brief discription off what happened but when ive tried to talk to her she acts as though anything we had never existed and thats really what i struggle with. I know im a fool but my love for her is still strong even after whats happenend..
    Thanks for reading.
    Some of these stories on the site are helping me
    ,

    August 21, 2013 at 3:14 pm #40934
    Buddhist Wife
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear of your painful situation donnie6. I wish I could give you a big hug.

    I’ve noticed recently that a lot of people have been posting about the end of their relationships and a common theme is feeling like they don’t have sufficient answers from their ex as to why they ended the relationship. They spend time agonizing over why their ex has done what they have done, or trying to understand their behavior.

    I can understand why people do this and I think it has some use. It’s important to reflect and to see why relationships broke up so that we can use these lessons for the future.

    However I think this has to be done with balance. There is nothing to be gained from investing all your energy into trying to find a logical and reasonable explanation for an ex’s behavior, especially when that ex shows no signs of being willing to provide one.

    You could spend the next few months and years trying to engage with your ex, trying to get her to explain what she has done, trying to get her to acknowledge that she loved you once, that you were a good husband and your relationship had some meaning to both of you and still get nothing.

    From what you have told us of her actions, there is nothing to suggest she is going to give you what you need right now.

    Forget seeking her validation. You know you were a good husband and you know that your relationship had depth and meaning. That she can’t or won’t acknowledge that right now doesn’t mean it isn’t true. You know it’s true.

    I think you need to be more true to yourself and spend what energy you have on taking care of yourself. If you are still living together I think you should consider moving out as it seems to me that this would ultimately make you happier in the long run.

    I wish you all the best.

    August 21, 2013 at 5:59 pm #40943
    Sapnap3
    Participant

    Donnie,
    I cried when I read your post. My god. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I had break broken a couples of months ago by someone I thought I would spend my life with. This site has helped me a lot. There are many people who are going through similar things not only on this site but all over the world.

    I am still hurt and miss him dearly but having distance from him and getting rid of everything we shared together, including pictures, has helped a little. I broke down this morning when I used the pan he bought for me to help me cook. Trust me, I have stopped cooking. Its been two months.

    All I can say to you dear brother is that I am sending you all the strength and good wishes. It will take a long time to get over this but remember, you were true. You gave it your all. You were the best u can be in your relationship. Take pride in that.
    I hope and wish that one day u can give yourself there love you gave her. It takes a very insecure person to do what she did.

    Love
    S

    August 22, 2013 at 2:16 pm #41011
    donnie6
    Participant

    Hi buddhist wife, with regards to your comment about me and my wife living togeather, she moved out about four days later after i had caught her with that man. As far as im aware she is now living with this man. I came home from work and she was gone with all her stuff. She now wants me to pay for the divorce even though i dont want it and she wants the house to be sold, so i loose everything for somthing she has done. In my eyes she is still an amazing person who i would still give my life for without question, but she is so aggresive towards me it rips me apart. At this moment in time i feel quite peacefull even though i miss her im slowly dealing with it. Lets see what the future brings.
    Thankyou buddhist wife and sapnap3 for your kind and reasuring words they mean a lot to me and give me strength

    THANK YOU

    August 22, 2013 at 7:18 pm #41023
    Macintosh
    Participant

    Sorry for all that you’re going through donnie. Your wife is extremely mean!

    Time to get a lawyer and make sure she doesn’t ruin you. It’s so not fair!

    Gentle hugs to you.

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