I’m so sorry to hear of your painful situation donnie6. I wish I could give you a big hug.

I’ve noticed recently that a lot of people have been posting about the end of their relationships and a common theme is feeling like they don’t have sufficient answers from their ex as to why they ended the relationship. They spend time agonizing over why their ex has done what they have done, or trying to understand their behavior.

I can understand why people do this and I think it has some use. It’s important to reflect and to see why relationships broke up so that we can use these lessons for the future.

However I think this has to be done with balance. There is nothing to be gained from investing all your energy into trying to find a logical and reasonable explanation for an ex’s behavior, especially when that ex shows no signs of being willing to provide one.

You could spend the next few months and years trying to engage with your ex, trying to get her to explain what she has done, trying to get her to acknowledge that she loved you once, that you were a good husband and your relationship had some meaning to both of you and still get nothing.

From what you have told us of her actions, there is nothing to suggest she is going to give you what you need right now.

Forget seeking her validation. You know you were a good husband and you know that your relationship had depth and meaning. That she can’t or won’t acknowledge that right now doesn’t mean it isn’t true. You know it’s true.

I think you need to be more true to yourself and spend what energy you have on taking care of yourself. If you are still living together I think you should consider moving out as it seems to me that this would ultimately make you happier in the long run.

I wish you all the best.