These feelings may just be a result of the meditation practice you’re performing. If you center your meditations around feelings of love and compassion I think you would be surprised by the results. “What we think, we shall become.” Keep that in mind and know that mixing things up is sometimes necessary to survive. Like seasons in the year, winter and summer need each other to exist.
It may help you to adjust the focus of your meditation. Perhaps it would be helpful to set an intention at the beginning of your practice and focus on why you are meditating. Why are you meditating? There are so many different kinds of meditation, and different ways are effective for different people. If one particular style is making you dissociative, there are definitely other ways to connect with the vibrance and beauty of life if that is what you are seeking. Do some research and some experimentation and keep meditating! 🙂
It’s uncomfortable when you leave a meditation session with discomfort. Having a clear purpose about something right for you. As you might have hear others say before, it’s as simple as listening to your breathing or listening to sounds in your surrounding environment. Remember, it doesn’t have to be a deep serious session, it depends on your mood, feelings, thoughts you like to recognize within you. It’s a amazing feeling of the heart when you settle down your mind on it. Knowing from the beginning what you want to learn from your meditation sessions will help you in the long run.
I can relate to that dissociative feeling or vagueness from experiencing a repetitive thoughts. If you don’t respond well with certain thoughts then just remind yourself that it’s okay to let them go. More thoughts can blossom and when they do, get excited and eager to take good care of them and express them wholeheartedly because that’s the beauty in understanding and looking at the world differently with a pounding excited refreshed heart.
Walking in people’s shoes too can get you to realize sights, sounds,thoughts you never imagined before, those ups and downs.
I’m going to share with you this video that can reach your very special heart:
Blessings and Hope things begin to turn around for you,
If the coldness and distance is bothering you, try metta meditation, and vary it with the detached observer kind of meditation you practice now. They can really help balance and deepen each other.