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Fed Up

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  • October 21, 2016 at 8:30 am #118616
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Soulstar:

    I think that best to keep professional life (the workplace) separate from personal life. The work place is not a good place to share personal problems, to vent about one’s feelings about other co workers, and it is not the place to express your anti- hunting sentiments to a co worker who hunts! There is politics in most work places, there is money involved, promotions and distribution of tasks… and so, it is not a place to build personal relationships, I believe.

    You mentioned Trust, that you trusted a co worker not to reveal what you told her and that you wouldn’t reveal what a co worker tells you in confidence. I wouldn’t trust a co worker not to reveal what I say in confidence, so I wouldn’t say it at all. When a co worker tells me something in confidence, I will not reveal it to another, but I will also not reciprocate by revealing my personal issues.

    Do you think that if you view your work place differently, not as a mix of professional and personal, but strictly a professional setting, it will make you less fed up (title of your thread)?

    anita

    October 21, 2016 at 9:55 am #118629
    Soulstar
    Participant

    very good and sound advice anita. yes, i would love to separate the business and personal but our office is small and everyone really spends time with each other outside of work. if i don’t try to fit in, i am criticized for being anti social and snobby. yes, i shouldn’t have said anything about hunting. but it was an off hand comment that i wish they would just stop the hunt. that’s all. i don’t think it warranted a humiliating and purposely attempt at trying to physically intimidate me though, esp. from a partner. that’s just bullying, no? who does that?

    i respect your advice though.

    thank you for commenting. i really appreciate it.

    October 21, 2016 at 10:03 am #118631
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Soulstar:

    You are welcome. Even if it is a small office and everyone socializes after work, you can still protect yourself best you can by not sharing personal stuff that can be used against you later. Regarding the hunting comment you made- sure it doesn’t warrant an intimidating, bullying response.

    But you can only control your participation in any interaction, so prevent future problems best you can…?

    anita

    October 25, 2016 at 12:18 pm #118900
    Marshmellin
    Participant

    I think anita’s advice here is very sound. I find I do the same thing at work — I assign motives to people, worry about what they’re saying behind doors, etc.

    It comes down to a fear of being fired. I grew up very, very poor, and the idea of not having a job when I need one terrifies me. So i stretch to make relationships at work closer than they should be (why would they fire someone who is also a friend?) and then I worry far too much about what is happening. I see a knife in every shadow, and it’s really harmful to my mental health.

    I think women ride a fine line as well — the more professional you are, the more “cold” you’re viewed. But I think anita’s advice is good, as well as some advice I received from my therapist:

    You don’t have the right to know other’s thoughts. Let them think whatever they think. Don’t worry about it; people are inherently selfish, and they’re more concerned about how they look than about how you look.

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