Dear Anita, dear Prash,

Thanks for both of you. I am confident that I will emerge as a stronger person. I can already see that even if it is painful, I don’t blame myself for not being enough in this relationship and I did my best giving the circonstances. I don’t feel guilty and ashamed because I was able to close the door of this relationship bravely. Unlike some of the crushs I had earlier this year, I don’t feel like I am all broken. I didn’t write an angry message or a hopeless one, I was proud of what I wrote and I know that I won’t regret it.

From what I can already see and feel (I am confident enough that I will learn more and gain more clarity), this experience gave me the opportunity to clarify my needs; this relationship was confusing because I didn’t know what I wanted from this, I was afraid to have needs. I had always associated needs with selfishness, something that I learnt at a very young age. When you don’t know what you want, you don’t know what you are looking for.

At first, it was painful to acknowledge the fact that even if I was respectful, reach for clarity and honesty, he didn’t act that way. I felt diminished, had the feeling that I didn’t count, that these moments didn’t count because he didn’t close this relationship respectfully. But i realize that I count and him being a coward has nothing to do with me, it is his only answer right now and I want to be with someone who claims his responsibilities for his acts.

I also realize that I have a great circle of friends that support me when I fall and I am grateful for that. I didn’t take them for granted but sometimes you feel the love more intensely. And this community is full of open hearts and mindful people that help me grow in the path I chose.

As Susan Jeffers stated in her book “Feel the fear and do it anyway”, this man was not my life. It we were meant to be, we would be. If not, so be it. I trust that my subconscious mind and the universal energy are creating the perfect relationship for me. I can let go, trusting that everying is happening perfectly. My life is full. My life is rich. There is nothing to fear.

I am kind enough with myself to accept the ups and downs, I am patient enough, time will help me to heal.

Thanks again,

Helen

Hi all,

Thanks Anita for what you wrote in your last message, it also helped me to see what I came from and what I learnt.

For the book, I am aware that there won’t be a perfect relationship right there, I really think that being in a love relationship is by far, the most difficult thing in the world, to be atune, resolving conflicts, dealing with frustration and renewing the genuine interest for this person.

I had the time to reflect on this experience this past month. It was for me a growing stunning experience in fact. I discovered what means clear and healthy boundaries. Before that time, I read articles on boundaries, I read words but I didn’t understand their meaning, now it is crystal clear for me, and I can’t unlearn this lesson.

I had another date with someone else and I could exercice on my assertiveness, stating what I want. Unfortunately, we don’t want the same things despite a beautiful connection with him. I think I am still boost by the chemical romance because even if I know I made the right call, I can’t help to feel regretful not to continue to see him.

Helen