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Fear of Losing Friends

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  • November 9, 2013 at 1:20 pm #45060
    S
    Participant

    Hi! I’m 14 and just started high school.
    My closest friend and I were in separate classes all throughout our friendship, with different main circles of friends. We’d tell each other about our own classes and people who surrounded our lives and we told each other everything.
    Now that we’ve moved into high schools, and our main circles have broken and our main circles are now each other. This is strange after 5 years of never being in each others’ classes and she’s always been that person who’s always been there behind the scenes, always there for me. Now I fear things like we’ll drift apart and I’ll have no one to talk to, no one to be close to… that we won’t be close anymore.

    Because now we’re each other’s main circles it just hurts seeing her make these other friends because even though it’s always been that way – we’ve always had other best friends – now it hurts because she’s my MAIN BEST FRIEND
    The one I’m so close to I always know we’ll be friends, literally, forever.
    I’m so scared that won’t be the case… it scares me that she’ll become closer to other friends and we might drift and I’ll have no one. I just got an invite from another friend for a sleepover and I don’t even want to go because I feel like my close friend will see I have other friends and think I don’t need her and leave me… And I’m afraid I’m starting to push others away because of this…

    I know it’s stupid. I have plenty of friends and have made new ones as well. But I’m so scared because she was my closest one the one I could always share everything with and she still is!… but what if she finds someone else for that?
    I know I’m overthinking, and that I need to stop holding on so tight, stop expecting so much of her and myself. We’ve both had this fear of losing friends since we were young, since we lost other friends and were able to talk to each other about it and like I said it was always fact she’d always be there.

    What if she’s not, though? What if she stops confiding in me, with things that made me feel less alone? What if I can’t confide in her anymore? I know there will be other people as there always has been but we’ve grown so close I can’t bear the thought of telling other people these things when it’s always been US, our thing…
    Thanks for listening, I know it’s long!
    -S

    November 9, 2013 at 9:56 pm #45084
    Matt
    Participant

    S,

    Have you talked to her about your fear? Now that she’s in your main circle, its changed the friendship… and change is often scary. Remember that she’s your friend and loves you, too. Is she afraid of the same thing? My wife and I sometimes still do something similar. We’ll both be afraid that the other would rather be doing something else, and finally one of us brings it up and we both laugh about how silly we are. Both enjoying each others company and both needlessly fearing the other isn’t. That’s why communication and courage are important in relationships… friendships or romances.

    That being said, if you two do grow apart it would suck and hurt your heart, but you would heal with time. There’s no reason to assume it will happen, especially if you keep talking! The real threat is the fear, because that can put distance between you… where you used to confide in her, if you are afraid OF her, you may hold back. Perhaps consider that it may be such a relief if you don’t over think it, take a deep breath and jump toward her. Said differently, dont be afraid to tell her how you feel. It is, after all, how you feel.

    Namaste, little sis. May your days be bright and your nights be restful.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    November 11, 2013 at 3:40 pm #45139
    S
    Participant

    Matt,
    Thank you for your advice and wisdom. You’re right, about all of it.
    I shouldn’t be afraid to tell her how I feel, as we are still very close friends.
    Namaste to you as well.

    Thank you again,
    S

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