Hi everyone,

My name is Tommy and I’m very much in love with my girlfriend. Not sure she feels the same for me anymore.

We have been together for 9 years, with a 2 year break in between. It’s been 4 months since we got back together. We originally broke up because she wanted to move forward in our relationship and I was depressed and in the ruts and not doing much with my life; namely financially. Though I wanted to move forward, I had it stuck in my head that I needed financial stability before doing so. Looking back, I wish I didn’t have that mentality and that I would have taken that step. In the 2 years we broke up, I was fighting the entire time to win her back, even though my financial situation didn’t change till most recently. I admit, I made mistakes in our relationship, namely not being responsible with my career, but I loved her with all my heart and still do.

Over those 2 years, I tried to fix my life and remained loyal to her and refused to meet new women. I was lead to believe she was not meeting anyone either because she told me so. She would tell me she loved me and still wanted to be with me and this was the hope that kept me going and kept me fighting for her. We were on and off a few times in this span, but there never seemed to be 100% commitment to it from both sides at the same time. I later found out that she had been in an on/off relationship with someone for 10 months and she had been lying to me the entire time about it. I can’t emphasize enough how traumatic this was for me. I felt destroyed and my self-esteem and positive attitude destroyed with it (this was 1 year ago and I am still working on it today). I was angry at first, but after a day it all turned into pain and sadness. I still loved her though and so I said I could forgive the lies and just wanted to work things out. She didn’t fully commit to it and I sensed she wasn’t sure how she felt about me anymore.

I spent the next 8 months giving her space and time to figure out what she wanted and again, I remained loyal. 4 months ago she came to me and said she still loved me and wanted to be with me and we have been seeing each other ever since. Things were amazing for a month, but then she pulled back as she had so many times over the last year. I’m admittedly insecure and have no confidence since hearing the news about her and the other guy and expressed this to her in the beginning and that I just needed her to have some patience with me as I work on it.

I don’t know why she pulled back again. She says she still loves me, but she seems so emotionally distant to me many times. I’m very open about my feelings for her and wanting to move forward, but she doesn’t return the same affection to me anymore. It’s really frustrating that I can’t seem to connect to her anymore and the effort lately feels extremely lob sided. She will never tell me she loves me on her own, it’s always an ‘I love you too’ but her actions don’t seem to imply that. I’ve tried bringing it up numerous times, but it seems to turn into an argument and I don’t know why. She is clearly tired of talking about it, but I would stop if the problem was addressed.

I love her very much and I believe when you find the one you want to be with, you do whatever it takes to be with them. Last week she cried and said how much I loved her was overwhelming. She said she was afraid she couldn’t return that same love to me. I took this as a bad thing, but she said it wasn’t. I don’t see how? Regardless, I appreciated her showing me some emotion.

My plan was to fly her to Paris for NYE and propose, but she hasn’t committed to going and with the way she’s been acting, I doubt whether she still loves me even though she says she does. I really want to connect with her again. I want her to show me more affection and be more vocal about it just as she used to be, but I’m worried it will just turn into a fight if I bring it up. I would appreciate any feedback and if I am wrong somewhere, then please tell me. I’m afraid I’m losing her for good

Thank you for reading.