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Falling for the guy who doesn't like me

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  • December 3, 2016 at 6:38 pm #121838
    Grace
    Participant

    I recently met a guy on Tinder who goes to my college. We texted for about a week, and I was convinced that what we had was real. He kept talking about meeting his family, spending Christmas together, introducing me to his friends, taking me around his hometown, etc. We finally went to dinner on campus one week after meeting on Tinder. It was only semi-awkward, but as the night progressed, we ended up in his dorm room kissing. After that night, our texts became very short and awkward. We went a whole week barely talking, so I decided that it was probably best to forget about the whole thing. That Friday, he texted me “hey.” I knew I shouldn’t respond, but I did. He went on to explain to me how he’s nervous about getting into a relationship. I believed the whole thing, so when he asked me to come to his dorm for the night, I agreed. We had sex that night (and let me make it clear that I am not the type of girl who randomly hooks up with guys). Today is Saturday, and we haven’t talked since I left his dorm this morning. I feel absolutely miserable. What do I do? I want him. I want a relationship with him, but it’s obvious that he doesn’t want that.

    December 3, 2016 at 7:32 pm #121843
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear grace0303:

    Ask him to explain to you what he meant by being “nervous about getting into a relationship”

    And, if he is nervous about getting into a relationship, why did he keep talking to you “about meeting his family, spending Christmas together, introducing me to his friends, taking me around his hometown, etc.”

    Ask him what that night with you meant to him.

    Ask these questions, and more, in as calm voice as you can muster, in a non threatening, non arguing way, so that he will be more likely to tell you his truth. Get the information so you can understand what is going on.

    anita

    December 4, 2016 at 8:53 pm #121943
    Vivian McGrath
    Participant

    He says he wants you to meet his family, spend Christmas together, introduce you to his friends, taking you around his hometown etc. Then it gets awkward and he says the opposite – that he’s nervous about a relationship. He only messages you when you stop chasing him. You have sex and then, nothing again.

    I would watch not what he says, but what he does. Does he show you he is interested? Does he show you he will be emotionally available to you? Does he introduce you to his family, spend Christmas with you etc. not just say it to you?

    If not, then perhaps he isn’t so interested. Or, he is an emotionally unavailable man. Either way, is that really a good enough offer for you? Is it worth pursuing and pushing him to change into something you hope he might be, rather than who he is now? I hope this doesn’t sound too harsh. But I chased someone like that in a similar way. And it only led to heartache.

    If you take the attitude ‘if it’s meant to be it will be’ and don’t push for it to happen, the answer will be given to you by his actions. If he does show you the above, then great! I hope it all works out for you, in the way that is best for you.

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