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extreme guilt after ONS with married man

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  • #272383
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear larem22387:

    The key is to not panic. Something bad happened, but the panicking, that “spiraling to a very dark place” is not a must-happen consequence of that bad event.

    Sex after getting drunk is unfortunately very common, and not something particular to bipolar people or people abusing sleep medications and so  forth. Relax best you can, resolve to avoid the particular circumstances that led to the event.

    In the future, when you successfully avoid and prevent an event like this from happening (for example, you are in a situation where you are alone with a man and alcohol is present, you ask the man to leave or leave yourself), you will feel better about having learnt from what happened and prevented such from happening yet again.

    Regarding your concern that this man will tell your supervisors what happened, remember that you can deny that it did. You don’t have to admit to it (maybe in church you do, if you choose to  confess), but you don’t have to admit to it to your supervisors because there is no benefit to doing so, not if you learnt from the situation and not repeat it.

    anita

     

    #272463
    ben
    Participant

    Hey

    Quite a story. It sounds like you’re worrying a lot, which is understandable. Sex for women is very intense and so I think your entire emotional/biological system is planning for a longer term relationship with this man and so you’re thinking a lot because things will probably be changing, it’s the body’s way of triggering the mind into really thinking fully about what’s happening to make sure you’ll be safe….etc. Do you see my line of thinking, this is to give you an understanding of what’s happening to you.

    Overall, I really wouldn’t label this as good or bad. I appreciate it isn’t ideal, are you more worried about what your boss’ are going to think of you in relation to losing your job? I would argue it will most likely have little to no impact to your career especially over the medium to long term. Plus Anita’s advice in a highly professional setting may be applicable, but it could also make you look like a liar if he does confess but from a professional stand point it’s none of their business really, especially if you’re all drinking, what do they expect happens?

    It sounds sensible how you’ve left things but it sounds like you found out what you like in a guy and the qualities so maybe you could take that into future relationships?

    Re. the spiraling into a bad place….can I ask what triggered the abusing sleep medication? Again though, this sounds like worrying and anxiety, is this of much use to you? If you can catch yourself doing this in the future you won’t have to waste your time worrying, it’s good you’re aware that you’re doing this.

    Re. the religious point, sounds positive to get it out in the open.

    Best of luck.

    B

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