My love, you have her love you because you are worthy of love!! I really, really, really recommend Moon’s recommended book; it’s fucking awesome. It’s based on the premise that in order to overcome anxiety, we must train our mind to know there is nothing to be afraid of and we do this through exposure; so if you are afraid that everyone is judging you as you walk down the street; LOOK at them and you see that they aren’t. You do this so many times, and the anxiety drops. Same, if you go to a party; what are you scared of? To talk to people – so talk to them? Afraid to express an opinion; so you push to express an opinion. Also CBT is really helpful; there are free materials online, and I suggest you get in touch with a counsellor or buy and download a book and practice for yourself.

Something that really helped me was this course;

http://www.llttf.com/index.php?section=module&umod_seq=879795&mod_seq=1059&mods_slide=1

In which you write a list of all the compliments people told you, what you are good at etc – then when you begin to ruminate about what a ‘shitty’ person you are etc, you just open up the list (so like on wordpad, or keep it on your phone to look at – and you read that 🙂 – and it’s SO SO helpful!). Also something that’s really, really helped me has been loving kindness meditation; I don’t love myself, or I didn’t, I had bad self-esteem and social anxiety and all my mental thoughts were compulsively berating me; but this meditation is amazing; it promotes love and self esteem and kindness; its like the love and acceptance you are seeking outside, but you get it inside. This will help you with your love life too ^_^.

Also I went out yesterday, and normally I am doing my exposure therapy (looking at people etc) to see they aren’t actually judging me, but today I went out after doing a loving kindness meditation, and it kind of helped me see people as kind, rather than hostile (towards me) so they were less unnerving. It also helped me feel so much happier. And helped me focus on others, and the good feelings I had for them rather than my ‘flawed’ self and how scared I was of being judged.

I promise this combination of loving kindness meditation, cbt and the SSA system (or whatever it’s called) that lovely Moon recommended 🙂 will really help ease your suffering.

Ugh, massive massive hugs to you, anxiety is just one of the worst things anyone ever has to go through. And the fact that you’re living it and pushing yourself and going to interviews and having a g/f is amazing kudos enough!!