Expectation is the Root of All Evil?

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This topic has 10 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 2 months ago by madera.

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October 3, 2014 at 5:26 pm #65974
Trevor
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I have heard that attachment and expectation are the roots of all evil, but if I don’t attach myself to anything or expect anything, I feel like I don’t exist, and that feels evil as well. If I expect that the universe is benevolent, does that then make it necessarily malevolent because I expected it to be good? I’m really confused here…

Like if I expect good things, I am setting myself up for pain, but if I don’t expect good things I am in pain… So… Huh?

Like death for example – if I worry about it constantly then I never get to live, but if I expect it to turn out okay in the end that expectation makes me suffer? So… What the hell?

Like if I believe that at the end of death there is some afterlife to comfort me, does that mean that there won’t be an afterlife just so God can “teach me a lesson?” I am truly confused here. I feel like everything that comforts me is taken away, and THAT feels evil. The fact that there has to be suffering for there to exist meaningfulness also feels very evil to me. Merging with God feels very lonely to me. Why is this so weird?
- This topic was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Trevor.
October 3, 2014 at 7:19 pm #65978

bill
Participant

Hi,
A lot of commentators tell us not to have expectations. I think thay isn’t realistic. You study a subject with the expectation of working in a field. You date with the expectation of findind love. If you had no expectations I can’t image steong motivation.

Lincoln would not have been President without an unbelievable ability to keep coming back. Most of us would give up. Of course he then was murdered for his trouble but I’m glad he expected to win eventually.

Maybe I have got it all wrong. It’s

good to be patient and flexibke and enjoy the ride. Someho

w, to have no expectations is to be rudderless.

Am I wrong? Maybe it’s bad to invest to much energy in overly defined goals – to expect things to always work our or even half the time. Most people expect to be alive next week – maybe they should sort of expect it but keep the alternative in mind.

I expected a meaningful career, wife and kids. I learned that expectation. I am disappointed that none of it has worked oyt yet.
I just doubt that many people who preach against expectations

October 3, 2014 at 7:22 pm #65979

bill
Participant

It is almost impossible to correct typos with this software. I expected to finish this reply but I gave up. My qwerty pad is too small for my fingers.

October 3, 2014 at 7:26 pm #65980

bill
Participant

I was saying I think people have more expectations than they like to admit. I agree that letting go a little is good. I am not sold on lack of goals as long as they serve your happiness.

October 4, 2014 at 11:42 am #65983

Matt
Participant

Trevor,

My teacher noted that expectation is more of a result, a fruit. The problem isn’t expectation, its grasping. But even that is more like an ignorant habit than evil. For instance, in your post perhaps you have an expectation of some answer satisfying you, bringing a sense of comfort or stable ground. But it doesn’t, and not because expectations aren’t being met (ironically, your expectations are being met, your mental energy completes pictures, fills in gaps to make things fit what you believe to be true), but rather from “jumping onto” the restless grasping for some idea to bring peace.

When we can sit with our restlessness, it goes away. Then the questions you pose produce laughter, not hopelessness. A cosmic comedy, not a tragedy. Yep, a snake eating its own tale… and here we are, restlessly looking for something we inherently are. Hahahahaha.

With warmth,
Matt

October 5, 2014 at 9:50 pm #66022

Trevor
Participant

Thank you all so much, I did not think that it would be possible to find the answer I was looking for, but the answer is starting to become more clear. It’s just hard to accept certain truths when they feel so alien, so I really appreciate the positive energy.

October 5, 2014 at 11:49 pm #66025

bala
Participant

Having attachments and expectations is natural to human kind.You cannot deny yourself saying it is bad or not ok to have attachments and expectations. For example, you can tell to yourself that you will have zero expectations in life but the reality is when it is time for dinner your stomach expects some food, when you are thirsty your body expects you to replenish it with water. Expectations are part of life. Denying it is going against nature. But what we need to understand is that our attachment and expectations should not lead to greed, lust and possessiveness.They are the root of all evil.

October 7, 2014 at 5:04 am #66076

Todzilla
Participant

The OP sounds like he is choosing between expectations, rather than deciding to expect or not.

Try not to look at it as whether the universe is benevolent or malevolent, it just is. Bill is correct too that completely abandoning expectations leads to utter meaningless. I look at expectations as leading to a sense of entitlement, which almost always leads to disappointment and is borne of a sense of being the center of the universe.

October 9, 2014 at 11:50 am #66158

JBake
Participant

I think expectation is only becomes problematic when we hinge our psychological integrity on it. That is, when it becomes a fantasy by which we attempt to escape our present suffering. We perpetually think ‘when x happens, I’ll finally be able to be at ease in life’, usually unaware that it’s this very barrier we create between the present and our ‘selves’ that makes us uncomfortable in the first place. For as we diminish our openness to life we also diminish our sensitivity to it, progressively creating the sense that something is missing.

As with every habit, the more we try to escape by means of expectation, the more alienated in the present moment we tend to feel. As this habit becomes more and more entrenched, even when our expectations come to pass our discomfort still remains, though perhaps less desperately for a short while. But if our expectations fall through this habit can go into overdrive, depending on the importance we placed on them as a means of escape. In severe cases we may feel numb to our experience, entirely isolated from the present moment.

So the solution is not to abandon expectations. You’d be shooting yourself in the foot if you tried, as the assumption would be something like ‘If I learn not to depend on expectations, I can expect to be more at ease.’ This circularity is also implicit if you were to tell yourself be open to everything whenever you feel numb or isolated. Rather, you can only change the escape habit by cultivating the new habit of simply watching your experience non-judgmentally. If you wish for something to occur, just notice that expectation as it arises in the present, and any feelings that come with it. Regular practice of meditation helps with this.

October 16, 2014 at 7:20 am #66340

SpinBunny78
Participant

I have thought a lot about this myself recently and I have come to the following conclusion with regards to situations in my life right now:

I think it’s unrealistic to say you don’t have expectations. Everybody does it’s natural, however I think the way you deal with the outcomes of your expectations is different. If something doesn’t turn out the way you expected that doesn’t mean that life is cursing you or kicking you in the teeth, it may simply mean that the universe has other plans for you and the way you come to a plan or desire may not be in the way you expect. For example I am currently unemployed. I had a plan, I expected things to turn out a certain way then I lost my job and I had to completely change track. I didn’t expect this at all but I decided to embrace it and think ok maybe I’ve been put on a different path for a reason and this fork in the path, although not what i expected may actually be a blessing in disguise. It may not but by accepting that my expectations, in this case have not been met, I have opened myself up to new expectations. So what I’m trying to say really is, It’s not that you shouldn’t have expectations but more the way you handle the situation when you’re expectations are not met. It’s like life, we all must be fluid and embrace change and live in the moment as none of us know whats round the corner. Also expectations are very much down to conditioning. What we expect in life can quite often be what society has told us we should expect. This could be to meet someone, get married, have kids, hold down a stable job etc etc so when we find ourselves planted outside this set of circumstances our expectations aren’t met so we fret and feel bad about ourselves when in fact we just need to embrace the path life has set us on and adjust our expectations accordingly. I think it’s like life, fluid, ever changing. Expectations can be painful but only when we see them as set in stone.

As Buddha said – All suffering derives from attachment. Attachment causes desire, desire causes misery.

I take this to mean attachment to a certain idea or person and a perception of how we think things should be, an expectation about how that person should act or how we think a certain situation should pan out. Learn to be fluid with your expectations, have them but know if they are not met that it’s not the end of the world. Choose to ride the new wave and be open to where it takes you.

October 16, 2014 at 4:51 pm #66364

madera
Participant

Spin bunny

great advise to live by.
@fter all, we are not in charge, there is a higher power that knows the way,
We just have to be still to hear that still quiet voice that speaks to and directs
the way.
louise
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