Dear kaynah:

To move on, since you have to deal with him as the father or your child, decide what topics you are open for input from him, and what topic are closed. You can decide that you are closed to any and all input from him about how he (allegedly) feels about you, what his plans are for a future with you. You can decide that you are open to input on his part regarding your child. This way you can keep your heart outside the blender you mentioned.

anita

Dear kaynah,

“I just dont know how to protect myself and my feelings from continuously being hurt.”
“How do I protect myself from this? How do I move on?”

In order to break the emotional clinging you need to do the below forgiveness exercises.

1) Do a variation of Ho’oponopono

Continously chant/say,
I’M SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME THANK YOU

You are not saying this to that person.
Don’t bother about whom you’re saying to. Simply say it! Say it over and over. Mean it.
You may say it to whoever you believe as God, or to Nature, or to the Universe, or to Life, or to the Source of Creation, or to your own self, or simply in the air to nobody.

Just say it either verbally, mentally, loudly or softly, however you want to.
Say it as many times as you can/want.

2) Another similar variation

Format: I _______ FORGIVE YOU _____________, YOU ALSO PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME, THANK YOU.
Example: I FORGIVE YOU , YOU ALSO PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME, THANK YOU.

This is directly referencing to the person.
Keep saying this the same way as explained in No.1 Either mentally, loudly or softly or however it works best for you. You can even frequently write it and then burn/tear the paper.

While saying “YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME”, put greater stress/emphasis on the words “FORGIVE ME AND RELEASE ME”.

These energetic exercises are to break the negative link or to cut the negative energy cords between the both of you. The end result would be harmonious and in alignment with you and for your greater good.

Remember to say it as many times as possible. You can even say it involuntarily (meaning: just like alphabets ABCD… without thinking much about them, or like singing a song). If you are doing something else and you are disturbed by his memories, then immediately start chanting and do it continuously till you are OK.

3) Cutting energetic cords of attachment

Read my post about how to do this on the direct link below-
(http://dev.tinybuddha.com/topic/disassociation-of-my-environment-with-ex/#post-121076)

You will be healed of your situation by doing one or more of these energetic exercises.

Take care,
VJ

Dear kaynah:

It would be wonderful if we could decide to not be emotionally stirred by this or that. If only it was that easy: I choose to not care. Ha! What a freedom-of-choice.

Only we can’t choose our emotions, not this easily anyway. You feel what you feel when he says to you that he loves you and wants to marry you while he is seeing another woman. You are stirred, experiencing an emotional impact. What does this impact mean?

Does it mean you should abandon your logic (the logic that says: if he loves me why is he with another woman?)? No. What your emotional impact means, I believe, is that you wish he loved you; you wish he was not with another woman; you wish he was honest and loyal and that you could have a happy family with him and your child. You wish and feel strongly about it.

Combine logic and emotion, and you get this message: I want a loving family with a man who will be a good husband and a good father to my child. Unfortunately it cannot be this man, the biological father of my child. It will need to be another man, one who is honest, loving and loyal. How do I find such a man?

anita

Dear kaynah:

Part of the process is that when he tells you that he loves you, tell him: “stop, not interested in hearing that.

If he continues, say: I am hanging up the phone.

Don’t make yourself available for this kind of talk on his part. Whenever you notice the string (with which he is stringing you along)- cut it off with a pair of imaginary scissors.

anita

Hi Kaynah,

In your first post you mentioned two very important words “gaslighting” and “manipulation”. Also I’m seeing other signs that you are being “love bombed” and subjected to the “silent treatment”. These are all classic techniques of a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Dealing with a narc can be extremely challenging and most professionals suggest adopting no-contact. Unfortunately for you, you have to maintain some contact because of your mutual child. This makes it very difficult and your narc ex knows this. I’ve been dealing with my narc ex since last February and we have two children together, so I know what you’re going through. Narcs also have a way of breaking us down over time to the point where we as empaths we become dependent on them through trauma bonding. It’s almost an addiction to that person where we gave up ourselves and put all of our happiness into pleasing them and loving them. When they go, it destroys us and we’re willing to do almost anything to get them back. This is where the back and forth game starts. They come back over and over because we’re an easy source of narcissistic supply. Do a little research on narcissism and co dependency. I wouldn’t be surprised if you see your entire story played out before your eyes…

Wishing you well, we’re all in this together!
Ramone