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Hi all,
I just got the great gift of life to coop with a breakup with the love of your life, but i dont know how to handle this specific situation.. i hope you can shed some light to this. (sorry for the basic english, im native dutch)
I (23 now) was working at a restaurant, and one day, the new waitress(20 now) came to work and i was in love intantly.
We started to work together, i was teaching her how to do certain type of stuff, we talked alot and i felt it just clicked.
She did too, and after 2 months we were dating. i felt like the happiest person on earth. this beautiful girl made me feel confident, funny, wanted, loved, everything i didn’t feel before, or have felt ever in my life.We had a beautiful relationship for a year and 8 months. Almost never got into a fight with her. It was all
happiness and sunshine. We saw each other almost every day. Due to work, and due to just wanting to be together.One day, she calls my name and said we need to talk. Its the most known quote to earth, but when she said it, i
didn’t knew it was coming..She told me she was unsure about our future together. Meaning both OUR future, and the future. We talked about it a bit.
It was a short conversation and after she seemed pretty happy. So we went to work like nothing happened.
The days following, we felt the tension between us two, but acted like nothing was going on.
After four days of awkwardness, i asked her what she really mend a couple of days back.She said she was doubting for a couple of weeks, and didnt want to tell me right away. In the hopes of our ‘flame’ coming back.
but it didnt. Subconsiously she already made a choice.. Her feelings for me had disappeared. She wanted to be alone, to feel again, to live life! But she said she didnt want to loose me completely and wanted to be friends.The news hit me like a bomb. For me, everything was still perfect. I never saw it coming. But i figured if i was in her situation, i’d do exactly the same. So we ended the relationship on a fair note. i tried to accept my beautifull loss. But the pain i felt was unbearable. i never felt so much pain in my life. I thought about all the good times we had together. And all the little things about her, us, which didnt seem important at the time, suddenly were the most important.
Since we work together, the day she broke up with me i went to my boss to ask him to change my work schedule for two weeks. I would work on the one day she wasnt there. The boss understands the situation and was going to make the arrangements. I was trying to fall of the earth, be alone, trying to deal with all these emotions i havn’t ever felt before. My world came crumbling down. All those plans for the future, were no more. All the love, the memories, made me cry.
I didnt spoke to her for two weeks, and i started to work four days again at the restaurant she also works. two with her, two without her. I thought seeing her was going to break me up but it was just awkward. All of the sudden, you have to pretend like your just co-workers. No more hugs, kisses, laughter, just business talk.. Its like there is an invisible wall between the two persons who used to love each other so so much.
After those two weeks, i got a message from another co-worker(35). It said that the last couple of days my ex and him had been talking allot and they ‘liked’ each other. and ‘they’ thought i should know.
This pissed me off. I was just on the emotional level to deal with the breakup like a normal person without crying all day, and then after 2 weeks, this happens. And the worst part is, she didnt even tell me herself.
Now im at work, still four days a week, with most of the time both of them being present. The other co-worker never asks me anything anymmore, thank god, and she is trying to be nice to me with small talk here and there.
I used to excel in what i do at work, but now i just do whats necessary and leave it at that. I dont communicate, i just do my job without talking as much as i can.
Almost everyday i have to see them both come to work in his car, wondering what they have been doing that day. i’ve been keeping an eye on them all the time and i just feel like im going crazy. I cant grief properly like this. The whole situation is just making me mad now. 1) i lost the love of my life without an apparent reason 2) after two weeks she starts dating again 3) the guy she dates is another co-worker. 4) Everyday i work, one of them is there.
I dont know how to proceed right now. i’d do everything to get her back, but she doesnt seem like she wants to. i still love her very much and she appears in my dreams very often. First thing i think about when waking up, last thing i think about when im going to bed trying to sleep. I have some good days, where i think about her, but i have the mindset of moving on. Work on a new and better me. But the next days i feel like crap and i accomplish nothing all day.
She is playing games, don’t fall into the trap of believing that every “glance”, every short topic and every interaction is her showing you that she still “loves” you. Don’t start thinking that. Jealousy is surely at play here and it is clearly backfiring on her at times. Don’t feed her ego, don’t start opening up and being all mushy with her, because then you are just validating her pride and she can keep you in her pocket while she looks of other fun.
Listen, whether or not you two end up together again is dependent on if you do or do not stay on No Contact. This means, YOU DO NOT initiate conversation EVER. If she does then its all good, but still, keep doing what you’re doing and keep it short and always end it yourself. Quit the cheesy glances bro, this is just you telling yourself that they mean something more than what they are. That is extremely dangerous for your health because it gives you hope.
Hope is weak, have faith instead. There is a quote I once heard that goes like this: Hope runs through the fire whereas faith leaps right over it. Have faith. To have faith you must continue to work on YOU, which is why you are in no contact. This will never end, this self improvement that you are starting to achieve. Once you have faith, then you won’t need hope that something good happens for you in the future, you’ll just know that it will.
Again, in order to get to the crossroads where option A is to get back together and option B is to continue and find something new, you MUST get over her. You must get to the point where you couldn’t give two shits about what she is doing. You want to just want this person, not need her. This will take time, and that is good because it takes time to improve yourself on the inside. Chances are, and I know you don’t want to hear this right now, that when you get over her, you’ll find that there are so many other women out there that are worth your time and who are way better than she ever was for you.
Another cool thing is that when you actually get over her, she will sense it in you and feel a higher sense of loss; you wont have to say a word, your demeanor and actions will project this automatically. But until then you must be strong and stop looking for glimmers of hope. Fake it till you make it. Fight hard man, I personally know how difficult it is, but every time you stop and look at her with hope and think there’s a chance you might get together, the easier it is for HER to move on and you to linger there feeling like crap.
Be natural, be yourself, she is not going to affect you any longer, tell yourself everyday: ” I release the need to care about **** anymore”.
Just like your affirmations, its all about repetition, no matter how unbelievable it is in the beginning, your mind will learn to accept it.
You will be looking back in the near future and thinking: “wow, I probably would not be where I am today if that past relationship didn’t end, I would not be as confident and happy with myself had that not happened, I would’ve been needy and comfortable”. Now that you’re learning that you are the only person responsible for your own happiness, you will find that the next relationship that you are in will be SO MUCH more amazing than the last because you are one complete guy going in, and not somebody who is still finding themselves, looking for comfort in another.
Keep up the good work >:]3
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