Dear Jenna:

For me to attempt to answer your questions, I need to understand more about the nature of the relationships here, so I will ask you a few questions and wait for your answers, hoping your answers are clear and simple enough for me to understand:

What was and is the nature of your relationship with Andy since November? Were you boyfriend/ girlfriend at any time? Did you go on dates? Have physical intimacy?

What was and is the nature of your relationship with Kendall? Did you talk with her about your jealousy? If so what did she say? Do you and her talk?

anita

Dear Jenna:

In your original post you wrote that he told you these things: “‘I love you so so so much’ and

‘I feel so empty and alone without you'”.

These statements sound like they indicate more than a friendship, don’t they, to you?

What you call friendship; what he calls friendship is an exclusive kind of friendship where he is supposed to put you first, over Kendall and anyone else? And where you are supposed to be an exclusive friend to him as well… sort of an exclusive friendship?

anita

Dear Jenna:

I suppose it makes sense, the “bestest friends” term meaning better friends to each other than to any other friend, a sort of exclusive friendship. I think I understand.

You were very much affected by this friendship, so much so that you feel that you are a different person now that you were before the friendship. At the end of your original post you asked: “How can I find myself again, how do I get over it, how do I stop caring if he and Kendall talk a lot (because I still get jealous), and does it seem like what I did was the right thing to do?”

At this point, what is your friendship status? Are you friends? And are you bestest friends? If I was you, and I am still interacting with Andy, i would discuss with him the Rules-of-Friendship (or bestfriendship) – come up with the definition of it, the expectations and be very clear about those, seeing to it that the friendship means the same thing to the both of you.

As far as him getting very angry at you, like a monster- this is what your question is about? Whether you did the right thing, that it whether it was right for you to control yourself and say nothing rude to him?

If you would like, share more about what he told you that time.. what do you mean that he became like a monster? How was he like a monster… and what did he say?

anita

Dear Jenna:

You have a strong need to have a close loving connection with another, to be someone’s “number one”- to be uniquely special to someone. When a person has such a strong need and is desperate to have it met, such a person will accept anything that sounds right, feels right at any one time, and excuse times of abuse, hanging on to words and sentiments here and there.

Notice your strong need and differentiate between how badly you need to be special in someone’s life AND what is really going on.

When someone purposefully hurts you, they don’t love you when they do that and it is not a loving relationship.

anita