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October 1, 2017 at 6:39 am #171115
ElianaParticipantHi Connie,
You will have dreams like this, it is natural. I have had several sad and vivid dreams of my ex’s, even 6-8 months after a break up. It always takes me a very long time to get over someone due to early childhood abandonment issues. The dreams are crazy. One was where I was missing him, I saw him out with a girl at a bar, and I followed them into the bar. Please know this is not something I would ever do in person. I even made a fool of myself by going up to him and talking to him in front of his girlfriend. His friends and girlfriends were snickering at me. One of his friends said “I feel sorry for her”. Ouch. But it didn’t stop. I followed them again, this time crying in my dream wanting him back terribly. I did not go in the bar, I just wanted to look at him. He saw me and came out and yelled at me. I begged him to go to beach with me, to our favorite place where we would have bonfires. He got nasty and yelled “move on already!” I woke up startled and crying.
Another dream was of this guy who worked on construction. There was a house he was helping to build. It was a large house and took several months to complete. I dreamed that I went to see him, and he was so happy to see me, and we talked, curled up together, he told he he still loved me, but we couldn’t be together and he wanted me to “move on” and be happy. I remember crying, and he was caressing my face. When I woke up, he was gone. Again, I started to cry, the dream was so sad and vivid. I had a therapist tell me dreams are sometimes our subconscious, of our past, our childhoods, reliving sadness, rejection and abandonment.
October 1, 2017 at 8:06 am #171139
ConnieParticipantThank you for sharing your dreams, Eliana.
I have been kinda depressed recently, because it will be my ex’s birthday soon and I have been thinking to wish him happy birthday or not.
I remember last year I made a card for him, we had dinner at his favorite restaurant, played a game, and I got him the gift that he’d been wanting for so long. I remember writing in the card hoping we could celebrate every of his birthday in the years to come. I tried so hard to make that birthday speical and unforgettable.
My friends have been telling me not to contact him to wish him happy birthday. I agree and understand where they are coming from: Getting back in touch will only take me to square one of the recovery.
I really love him. It’s already difficult to go on NC. Now I have to hold the urge not to wish him HB. Deep inside I still can’t believe it’s over.
October 1, 2017 at 9:45 am #171155ElianaParticipantHi Connie,
I can relate, tomorrow is my ex’s birthday. Its been a year. I have finally gotten over him..but now, I don’t know why I am thinking about him again. Will this ever end? So frustrated with myself. I deleted my profile on Facebook, because he was friends with some of mine, so I would see him in my feed. He had moved on, while I was crying over him every day after our break-up. He looked so handsome, happy. He had posted a new photo of himself. The photo he had when we were together was not that good, he was looking down sad. Then to top things off he posted a quote about “being in love”. It about killed me seeing it. I had no choice but to delete my profile. What’s worse is that post if that quote for 34 “likes” including my friends. Now, I want to get on there and wish him a Happy birthday. But he will just delete it. It’s a sad day for me too.
October 1, 2017 at 10:23 am #171163ConnieParticipantHi Eliana,
I think we have no choice but continue to move on. I can understand how you feel and really it hurts to see them happy, even though that’s what we ultimately want them to be.
I guess there’s no point wishing them HB, not because they dont deserve it, but we need this time apart to heal. We have to love ourselves more than we them.
October 2, 2017 at 7:10 am #171243ElianaParticipantThank you, I’m glad I read this. I almost e-mailed him. I hope things get easier for both of us. I am ready for today to be over.
October 2, 2017 at 10:35 am #171283
MinaParticipantTo Connie and Eliana,
I cannot help but get myself involved in this thread.
I wished my ex a happy birthday about 2 months ago.
His response was very lovely and he felt touched with me wishing him a happy birthday.
Of course, our situation is very different especially the nature of the break up and relationship,
In a way wishing my ex well, helped me heal. Knowing he also wished me well.
It was beautiful.
But again, I understand that our situation is very different and our exes are also very different person.
and maybe in your case, it is indeed better to not wish him.
All love.
-Mina
October 2, 2017 at 9:14 pm #171337ConnieParticipantIt’s been more than three months since we last saw each other, six weeks since I finally broke things off with him and four weeks into NC.
I remember how he waved goodbye at the airport until we couldn’t see each other anymore. I remember how he looked at me the last night before I left, he promised me we would be ok and he would come and visit me soon. I remember how we used to do silly things together to make each other laugh. Those things are like yesterday and I never miss him any less, even to this day.
We had a fight over the phone, then we agreed to break up before the conversation ended and never speak again since. For two months, I tried to reconcile because I loved him. However, deep inside there’s a voice telling me breaking up might be the best for us. We needed time apart to think about the relationship. Yes, every couple has ups and downs. Our problems were somehow too complicated. I had struggled for two whole months before I finally sent him my goodbye email. I decided to let him go because I wanted him to be happy and I didn’t want him to suffer from my indecision. I wished success and all things he desires in life. He responded furiously to my last email. I thought it was best to leave him be. I understand why he was upset: He also realized there’s no turning back.
Then two weeks later I sent him another email asking him to take care of my possessions at his house. He willingly agreed and that’s it.
I feel I have done the best to end the relationship. No harsh feelings, no nasty words, but lots of regrets.
It’s his birthday today. I wonder whom he spends this day with, is he happy? I hope so much I could still be part of his life. But it’s over, it really is over.
Happy birthday, R. I wish you the best and happiness.
Connie
October 2, 2017 at 11:17 pm #171343MinaParticipantConnie,
I feel a lot of emotions reading your last post.
“It’s his birthday today. I wonder whom he spends this day with, is he happy? I hope so much I could still be part of his life. But it’s over, it really is over.”
I struggled with the same questions and finality feelings for weeks, but my ex told me that I do not need to worry about him at all.
He will be happy, he will eat well, and he will take care of himself well.
Life goes … on. For both you and R.
I am sure that you struggle a lot with the break up, but you are still taking care of yourself well, right? (hopefully)
He wish you well, Connie. If he really loved you, he will be wishing you the best in your life.
You do not have to worry about R, worry about yourself first. A new love will come, and you will soon understand and realise that R will always be a special person in your life.
Why? Because you guys loved each other very much at some point in your lives. and that will always be something worth remembering.
-Mina
October 3, 2017 at 6:34 am #171351ConnieParticipantHello Mina,
thank you very much for your kind words. You are right. He will be happy and he knows how to take care of himself better than me.
I cried a lot after reading my own words and realized it’s really time to move on. I did let go but I constantly remind myself of him. I must drop this habit because there’s no other way to be happy unless I focus on what’s ahead of me.
I have been thinking what to take away from this past relationship, I guess at least I finally learned what true love is – it’s a kind of love that you are willing to make sacrifices for the sake of his.
October 7, 2017 at 8:38 am #172061ConnieParticipantWe have been on no contact for 31 days.
I never thought I’d make this far honestly and wish we could have done it sooner.
Maybe I now miss him less, but lots of things still remind me of him, which can sometimes be unbearable.
October 11, 2017 at 2:31 pm #172785ConnieParticipantNC into the 6th week.
I thought I was over you until the bad dream woke me up last night.
I miss you.
October 12, 2017 at 5:52 am #172817
AnonymousGuestDear Connie:
You miss the feeling you experiences at some of the time when you were with him, correct? That sometimes- feeling, good, warm, safe, hopeful kind of feeling?
anita
October 12, 2017 at 5:54 am #172823AnonymousGuestDear Connie:
You miss the feeling you experiences at some of the time when you were with him, correct? That sometimes- feeling, good, warm, safe, hopeful kind of feeling?
anita
October 12, 2017 at 6:27 am #172841AnonymousGuest* Excuse the double posting, Connie- some technical site dysfuntion.
anita
October 12, 2017 at 8:23 am #172871ConnieParticipantHello Anita,
Yeah, I miss all small things we did together, shopping, cooking, laughing, watching tv, etc. I miss our conversations, our breakfasts and driving to work together. I used to love this man with all my heart.
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