@anita

My apologies for not responding to this sooner, I was going to but then forgot about it for a while! I would like to update you on the situation.

I have slowly healed over the past week. I went to talk to my school counselor when I was having a rough start to my Monday last week, and she essentially summed everything up like this: “You can’t let him guilt trip you. He’s going to be hurt. He’s going to have to get over it. So just be cordial and focus on what you need to. It’ll get easier.” She’d even told me stories of friends (and even herself) having to leave someone three weeks before marriage just because it didn’t feel quite right, and that second thoughts were normal and sometimes it took a reality check to confirm that you really don’t want to go back to a person.

Most importantly, my friends have been a huge help. They took me out three times on different days to just hang out for the evening, and just this past Friday I had a very long conversation in the car with my friend when I finally broke down. I was tired, we’d gone to somewhere that I had mixed feelings about the memories, and I shed a few tears. What she said surprised me.
She said that she always thought that our compatibility was kind of low, and that it seemed like he always tended to pull me away from friends and family. She said it was like he helped me find another part of a whole I had been missing- but while I finally became a whole person, he remained as half, and he was unwilling to even try and change. She basically said with the way he is, you can’t wait for someone to change who has no intention to.
When I told her some of the things he had said to me and said about others, she said it almost sounded like he was low key manipulative and slightly emotionally abusive. His actions never quite matched his words, his anger got the better of him often, he complained quite a bit and constantly said how I was essentially the only important thing to him. With the way he reacted to my honesty, I slowly lost trust in him, unable to feel like I could communicate with him- otherwise he would either overreact and blame himself completely or he would tell me I was overreacting, which was the final straw. My friend had even said that if anyone told her she was overreacting when trying to get problems sorted out, she would have wanted to slap them.

What surprised me most is that she’s friends with both of us- him even longer than she’s known me. And yet here she is, telling me that it wasn’t healthy for me, and that while maybe he may be ready for other relationships later in life, we just don’t quite mix together. It was a relief to hear and I was glad she sat with me for so long to let me get everything out. I thought about him little to none over the weekend and the fact he won’t talk to me doesn’t bother me much anymore either.

I’m just glad I’m finally starting to feel better about this whole thing. And now I have a chance to explore myself as a person and build my confidence without any roadblocks.