Hi MRZ,

I think you are psyching yourself out, and letting fear destroy things. Overanalyzing and comparing yourself can drive you crazy. Don’t go there. He obviously loves you very much. He was with you for five years, and he proposed to you..not her. He wants and chose you because he wants you. You can’t think the worst, because it will come true. Think positive and positive things will happen. I have seen too many amazing relationships destroyed due to fear and insecurity, anxiety by one of the partners. With fear, you can’t have dreams. What I suggest is quality Psychotherapy to work on your issues of insecurity, self esteem, etc before marrying this man, because all these negative thoughts affect your mood, emotions and behavior and he does not deserve that. I would also look into self help books on anxiety in relationships, etc. I hope you will post with any thoughts. x

1) It does not matter who started the relationship.  In my last one, I was the one who made a move on him, and I didn’t regret it at all, it was great. Some men are indecisive, and there is nothing wrong with the woman making the first step, it is empowering. He wouldn’t have gone for it, let alone stick around for 5 years and get engaged to you if he didn’t want it.

2) However, what ruined that relationship for me was precisely my own doubts and insecurity. My preceding experience was emotionally abusive one, so I was still reeling from it, conditioned to look out for “red flags”, and very hypervigilant, always afraid that I’d be abandoned or unloved. When our long-distance phase started, his inability to keep in touch as often as before to me looked like cooling down (which it wasn’t), and I kept lashing out, eventually frustrating him, and with one particularly bad accusational email, things broke beyond repair.  I really wish I had more faith and been more positive.