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Ending a long distance relationship

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  • February 22, 2016 at 9:23 am #96763
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I’ve had the panicky feelings as well, serenity. Because there’s such a void, right? But I’ve been developing a kind of self talk that has been working a lot to me. I’ve made lists of the things that weren’t so good in the relationship. And something else that I’ve been doing a lot: gratitude. Thanking the universe for this because it’s gonna open other doors and good energy is gonna flow now.

    February 23, 2016 at 1:56 am #96878
    kaleidoscope
    Participant

    Ya there really is. I feel like the rug has been pulled underneath me. I feel a great emptiness and un-grounding. I have been taking valerian tea and find it helpful. Especially to help me sleep at night. I have found a you tube clip for the chanting you suggested so will try that thanks. I find it difficult now to cope with the loneliness. I heard an ad on the radio the other day for an event and realised that I would have no-one to go to these things anymore with. It was so comforting to know that you always had someone there and now that is gone.

    February 23, 2016 at 10:06 am #96897
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I know the feeling =(
    I myself am having a rough day, can’t even focus on work…

    February 25, 2016 at 9:58 am #97206
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Serenity, How have you been?

    March 2, 2016 at 8:01 am #97833
    kaleidoscope
    Participant

    Hi Cath, ya it’s getting easier. Im starting to accept it and realise that it was the right decision. Im trying to focus on the good things like how much more time I will have for studying etc. Im doing a course at the moment so that keeps me busy. The hardest thing for me is not having someone to cozy up to and watch a film etc and laugh. I miss that. With the few friends I have are mostly busy or else just want to meet for lunch etc. I miss the “casual chilling out’ part if that makes sense? Where you can just wear your pjs and have a glass of wine. I guess really its the evenings that I find the most lonely.
    How are you getting on, I hope your doing well

    March 16, 2016 at 2:34 am #99133
    kaleidoscope
    Participant

    Hi Everyone,

    Anita just wanted to thank you for your advice about taking love from everywhere. It keeps coming up in my mind so Im finding that really helpful.
    Feeling a bit low again because when we broke up we decided that we would remain friends. I texted him once and rang him once since then. He seemed fine when we were talking. But he has not initiated any contact since the break up. I was really hoping that we would stay in touch. 🙁

    March 16, 2016 at 9:32 am #99147
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear serenity:

    I re-read all your posts on this thread. One thing that sticks in my mind is that you miss those chilling times, you called them, in the evenings, being in your pajamas and drinking wine, with him. You wrote that in the evenings you get most lonely.

    I wonder if you can make your next evening special, without him in it. If you can get into your pajamas, drink a glass of wine, listen to your favorite music… even talk to yourself.

    Become your best friend this evening, be there with you, tend to yourself, be good to you… when you feel scared, comfort yourself as if you were talking to a scared best friend. When you feel lonely, put your arms around yourself and again, comfort yourself. Kind of having a relaxing date with yourself…?

    And I am glad you came back to this thread. Whatever positive attention, empathy you can get, do reach out for it.

    You are not alone in your loneliness, in your desire to love and be loved. And there is hope for you to love and be loved by a man. This ex boyfriend of 1.5 years, unfortunately- although you had good times together- is into living with his mother in the foreseeable future. It looks like he doesn’t even see the two of you in his future and did not see the two of you in his future other than the way it was.

    A date with yourself this evening?

    anita

    March 16, 2016 at 7:42 pm #99220
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey Serenity,

    Glad to hear from you, and glad to hear that we were able to help you.
    Anita above offered beautiful advice. Hope you’ve had a date with yourself tonight.
    I’ve also lost touch with my ex (though in my case it was different – he was harming me) but it enabled me to start healing. It just deepens the void (I keep wondering how he is doing regardless of all the harm he has done to me)- but it decreased my anxiety and panicky-feelings. Maybe cutting sometimes is for the best. Helps moving on indeed. I won’t say I don’t wait for messages from him- specially because I’ve been waiting for an apology for a month – but trust me, sometimes it is better like this. Staying friends will just feed your feelings and not help you move on.
    We’re here anytime you would like to talk!

    April 1, 2016 at 1:36 pm #100665
    kaleidoscope
    Participant

    HI again! I had a date with myself last weekend. Got a nice bottle of wine and a chocolate cake and stayed in watching a nice film. Thank you for the suggestion, I had a nice time.
    Still havent heard anything from my ex which I cant help but feel really upset by. I texted him earlier as I had an important exam on. It just said “HI how are you doing? I’ve a big exam today, really nervous!” – no response 🙁 Its not like I am contacting him all the time. Since we broke up over a month ago, I have just talked to him on the phone twice. I find it really cold. I guess a part of me thought that we would stay in touch and if situations changed we could get back together. Sometimes I feel like ringing him and asking why he is ignoring me.

    April 1, 2016 at 1:43 pm #100668
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear serenity:

    Hope, that thing, hope. You feel distressed that he didn’t answer your text, that he didn’t reach out to you and try to get back together. His silence is telling though. It is as if he spoke, isn’t it.

    Your name here, Serenity. Your hope to be serene, to have peace of mind, that is a hope I would encourage in you, and to achieve serenity maybe you can accept the reality that he is not available for a relationship with any woman (other than his mother, the comfort of living with her).

    And so, leave him behind and look forward, ahead, not back…

    anita

    April 2, 2016 at 2:40 pm #100714
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey Serenity,
    Wanted to share some empathy here. I’m working hard on rebuilding my self esteem and etc. But I relapsed and tried to contact him, and there was silence as well…. Our stories are different because mine was quite messy and wrecked, but I expect daily an email from him with clarifications, you know?
    But anita is right, as always. We should look forward and ahead, open ourselves for better stuff that life will put in our lives.
    Be strong, we’re together in this.

    April 18, 2016 at 5:07 am #102095
    kaleidoscope
    Participant

    Thanks again for your replies. I know how you feel Cath, my previous ex was very emotionally abusive to me and even when it ended badly I kept in contact with him and he used me for quite a long time. I hung out with him and slept with him in the hopes we would eventually get back together which never happened. All of this really damaged my self esteem.
    I guess in hindsight it is easier not to have any contact. Even though that is very hurtful too. But maybe the recovery will be quicker?
    My most recent ex contacted me after the non-reply to my text. Said something about his phone being dead. We chatted for a while, all light hearted. He has been doing nothing but staying at home since we broke up. Not meeting friends or going out etc. He sounds depressed. Towards the end of the call, he started crying and hung up. We’ve had no contact since. I just dont understand what he is doing. If he really feels this bad then why wont he get back together with me and make a plan to move in together??? Im not going to initiate any more contact with him because I feel I should just leave the ball in his court.

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