Dear buddha123,
I am sorry for your pain and suffering.

I offer you the same what I have written to Dave Long in the Emotional Mastery posting #49213.
I shall copy and paste my response here for you:

What comes to mind is that question, How do you eat an elephant? Bite by bite.

I invite you to engage in something that gives you joy regardless on how “small” it is. It would be better that this activity would require some physical effort, even if the effort is writing. I am making that distinction from being passive on the computer watching cute kitten videos 😉 .

From that you can be in touch with that joy and positive emotion. Notice that. Be aware. Be mindful when you are engaged.

When you are out and about, notice the world around you. Notice the sun, the trees, the people around you. Notice and appreciate. Take in the world with your senses. Notice the temperature on your skin, the sounds, as well as the sights. Notice how you are feeling at that moment.

Those are the first bites.

I wish you comfort and ease buddha123,
Mark