Thanks for this loving platform for sharing 🙂

I find myself gasping for air in this relationship I am having with my girlfriend. I don’t find myself having space nor freedom to even have time for my friends – and they are guy friends by the way. Once, I wanted to meet up with 2 of my friends I met in college after 6 months since the last time I met up with the both of them (dudes), my girlfriend said that I did not put her in my priority.

The reason she gave was, I did not include her into our outing. However, truth was, I did ask my friends if I could bring my partner along but since my friends would prefer it to just be a guy outing – for now at least, I thought my girlfriend would be understanding enough on this. All hell broke loose thereafter.

She likes me to update her on what I am doing, who am I talking with on social media, even my colleagues whom I am having lunch with, she would want to know. Besides, she would want me to respond to her as quickly as I could otherwise she would be upset over the matter. The issue is, when she failed to respond to me, I could rationalize that she’s perhaps up to something or she needs to attend to some urgent issues and respect her space. Just 2 nights ago, I called her a few times and when she didn’t pick up, I texted her if everything’s alright. She told me she would call me back (which never did by the way) and I respected her space, did not probe further and allow her to resume doing whatever she is doing.

She’s my 2nd girlfriend and I’m her probably 21st boyfriend. I’m not too sure why I’m treated this way that even her close female friends commented that I am with her because “I am not capable enough to be a player”. Exact words from her female friend. With honesty and sincerity, I accepted all her past, whatever emotional scars and wounds she had from her previous relationships, I accepted that and I could overlook her past. I don’t think I’m that bad myself, not rich of course, but at least I worked my way from my troubled childhood to where I am today as a research engineer (my mum passed away when I was 7, I was in an abusive step-family for 10 years, fully paid my college expenses by myself).

Is this considered as weakness? Or is kindness considered as weakness? Her female friends are very protective of my girlfriend because of her past relationship issues. Most of the time, I accede to her requests out of love, in the sense, since this is something she likes to do, alright, nevermind about me, let’s do what you would like to do. It’s coming to an extent that clearly, my own soul is crying for attention.

I raised this issue to my girlfriend on numerous occasions and she asked me if I am able to love her wholeheartedly, putting myself away from the equation since true love is sacrifice. I am disillusioned to some extent. I wiki-ed about Stockholm Syndrome, sometimes I find myself empathizing her on the treatment she is doing unto me. I helped her in her studies, attending lessons with her during her school days, and to a smaller degree I helped her in her career as well.

What is a healthy boundary in relationship? I need personal space, yet my partner says there shouldn’t be a need for personal space. She keeps giving me impression that she’s always right, and I’m wrong. Or, the problem is with me, my mindset and not her.

I am not afraid to say that I am not the macho man most people would associate with. I’m gentle and soft in general, perhaps, it doesn’t pay to be a nice guy? Some would advise to leave her, but emotionally and psychologically, I do not know how to leave, somewhere within me, carries some hope for the better.

Help.

• This topic was modified 8 years, 12 months ago by Kenny.
• This topic was modified 8 years, 12 months ago by Kenny.