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- This topic has 22 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 2 months ago by jock.
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September 22, 2015 at 1:09 am #83806jockParticipant
You meet someone you don’t like immediately. And the more you get to witness their behaviour, the more you dislike them. You have a gut feeling “Not sure I can say exactly why, but this person feels like bad news. I don’t feel comfortable in their company.”
Then the neurotic part of you argues” It’s you. You are the problem! You always are. See how few friends you have? You need to be more broad-minded! Try to see the positives in people.”
So you try harder to convince that emotional side of you who hates this person.The Llama Jack arrives on the scene and says “hey guys, get a life. Go grab a beer from the fridge and chill out!”
September 22, 2015 at 5:36 am #83824AnonymousInactiveI wonder at this point if it’s the person that is instantly disliked or if it’s what they represent to you? I’d hope to steer a person away from thinking ‘it’s you! [insert hate comments here]’ because now you (one) hates a person AND themselves. that’s not winning.
It is very uncommon that I take an instant dislike to someone but my absolute belief that EVERYONE deserves validation kicks in. No matter what I will smile and share a word with them. But also my instinct says smile and move on. We don’t have to like everyone. It’s ok
but no excuses to be rude.
September 22, 2015 at 6:09 am #83827jockParticipantmy instinct says smile and move on
quotable
thanksSeptember 22, 2015 at 11:48 am #83854AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
i used to think it was me. In fact, I was sure it was me and that was why I didn’t have friends. I thought that one day when I became normal then I will join the normal people and have friends: I will be accepted as normal by the normal people.
Fast forward many years, i am healing and the more I heal the more I find out how full of s*&^ most people are. So it was me to begin with, but it was also all (or most) of the other people as well.
And now, I am pretty cool with myself but not with most others, I mean, I wouldn’t choose to be “real life” friends with most people. Here on this forum I can read any post and stop reading anytime I choose to (are you still with me, Jack? See, this is your choice). Why spend time with a person and listen to him or her go on and on and on with the same delusions- why the hell will I do that if I am not paid for it and paid well…?
I mean, really, Jack, you do not have many friends now because you have little tolerance for bull*&^%. You can hardly stand it in yourself, right?
anita
September 22, 2015 at 2:03 pm #83861jockParticipantI’m still with you anita 🙂
September 22, 2015 at 6:30 pm #83875AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
Back online and it is just you and me posting. What does it mean??? Did we take over Tiny Buddha?
anitaSeptember 22, 2015 at 8:35 pm #83887jockParticipantBack online and it is just you and me posting. What does it mean??? Did we take over Tiny Buddha?
anitaalmost what I wrote in another post only 2 minutes ago.
Amazing!
Maybe they can put us on the payroll here at TB. You can be Authentic Anita ,Counsellor in Charge (CIC) and I’ll be Llama Jack. of course you’ll get more pay. As long as I can earn 50 bucks a day, I can survive. So you can get say 200 bucks a day? Not bad eh…- This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by jock.
September 23, 2015 at 8:47 am #83918AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
Hmmm… a meeting of the minds, is it. Authentic Anita and Llama Jack. I like that very much. It crossed my mind recently that you and I will write a book of sorts, combine our skills and talents and produce a… (I am drawing a blank now).
Indeed…eh, hmmm:
anitaSeptember 23, 2015 at 9:18 am #83920AnonymousInactivehang on a minute. and ‘Calamity CAi’ which is one of my alter egos. I’ll be the slightly annoying one who pushes people to check how much they believe what they say they believe.
No but in real life we don’t have to like everyone. Gads the TROUBLE I’ve got myself into in life because I felt I had to like everyone and really really wish I’d moved on and not stopped to say hello or listen or get sucked in to other peoples’ shite.
On Faceache I keep my friends down to a healthy 60 and even then often have a cull because I don’t feel the need to be liked everywhere I go. I am lucky to actually be loved everywhere I go because I don’t let people know I don’t like them haha – and I am veryu very unorthodox indeed.
so when I say everyone deserves validation , I believe that to the very core of my being, but I don’t see anything wrong with choosing not to be friends with people.
I DO see something wrong, however, in telling everyone you don’t like someone because it says more about you than it does the person you don’t like. it says you (a person) not only doesn’t like someone but will go out of their way to try to colour other peoples’ views of them too. That’s not cool.
September 23, 2015 at 10:26 am #83925jockParticipantcalamity cai?
I don’t know how anyone can enjoy farce book…September 23, 2015 at 8:59 pm #83990PearlParticipantHello peaceful warriors ….your conversation is very interesting 🙂 🙂 I am wondering what I usually do in this kind of situation- I use to give extreme reactions and become cynical but with time and more experiences I realized sometimes we judge too quickly and assume too much , now I don’t jump on any opinions quickly and I take time to get to know that person – its an investment I know but it’s better to be open to experiences and real people in life rather than avoiding doing things which we are not good at – like socializing with real people for example – it’s a skill and it comes with time!
As far as emotional truth goes, you either have to be 100% authentic with you own self which takes a lot of efforts and honesty in order to be that intuitive – I usually go with an open mind and let people revel who they are and it’s not very hard to see in certain short time span! Hope this helps 🙂 Not to be friends with someone is different than avoiding things we are not good at 🙂 so we need to be honest with ourselves and take it from there! Otherwise everyone has a freedom to be happy and not to be friends with someone they don’t like 🙂
September 24, 2015 at 9:49 am #84014NekoshemaParticipantLol what a random posts, but I sort of get it [unless I’m interpreting it wrong]
I’ve been on this [not too sure what to call it… Internal?] Journey for a year and a bit now and some days are better than others but it really hit me hard when I realized how judgemental I can be. I never thought I was judgemental because I never hated people because of how they looked. I’m judgemental of traits in people I find undesirable. I’ve gone from trying to not be judgemental to being extremely judgemental, and just today I shrugged and said ‘there are certain people you don’t like because of their values. That’s life’ and accepted this part of me. It’s probably wrong to accept yourself for being a little judgemental, but I have, and am happy with myself right now. [Besides it’s hurting me, not them] maybe one day I’ll work on not being judgemental but for now I’ve got bigger fish to fry.
Sorry if I missed the point of your argument though.
September 24, 2015 at 10:00 am #84015AnonymousGuestDear Nekoshema:
All in moderation, so it is about being judgmental. It is saintly, i.e., not human to be non judgmental- it is for our benefit to evaluate people so to determine the extent of contact with them, to evaluate so to not be hurt by a particular person, for one thing. And there are many ways of getting hurt by another, so evaluating, or judging (evaluating without the negative connotation) is a good thing. Mixing judgments with some tolerance as needed, some empathy when needed or desirable or useful in any way- it is like a dish that requires different ingredients.. in moderation, none at the extreme, so the palate is not overwhelmed.
anita
September 25, 2015 at 3:25 pm #84105jockParticipantSometimes I’m controlled by a part of me who follows “should” protocol.(Pious Pete)
I should see the good in this person.
I should like them.
But I guess people can pick up pretty quickly whether you really like them or not.
If they look like a lone wolf or rejected by others, I make a special effort to be kind to them. This comes from a sincere part of me because I feel like a lone wolf myself. I’m not being patronising then and in fact I often connect well with lone wolves. They have the courage to stand alone and not play politics in order to survive. That’s something I’d like to think that I do too. With higher self-esteem, I can do it more often.September 25, 2015 at 9:04 pm #84120AnonymousGuestDear jack:
I like that, Lone Wolf Anita (belongs to the other post, how many of you are there), have the courage to stand alone.
anita -
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