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Eliminating patterns of thought

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  • March 25, 2019 at 7:10 am #286189
    Joe
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    I am writing this second post because I have made some realization on my pattern of thoughts.

    Im continuing to meditate which makes me very aware of my thoughts and I am realizing that some of the negative thoughts that I am still having today, I have been having them for as long as I can remember. Well actually I think they only started when I arrived to Miami from France, which was at the same time I entered sixth grade. I think these patterns of thoughts are the reason i felt insecure for most of this period and up to now. And I can get in more details to why I felt that way at that time. But this didnt stop me from enjoying this part of my life and having fun with my friends.  In the past year all of these evolved to strong anxiety and depression. it was to the point where I wouldnt feel comfortable around any of my friends and always felt inferior . I have been meditating on and off for 6 months now and I think it is the reason I am aware of the pattern of thoughts I am having during different situations.

    So here is what I noticed and am almost certain it had a huge effect on me:

      • Always comparing myself to others ( Regarding their: Looks/ Social ability/ Humor/ Ability to not care about other people and being spontaneous/ happy people)
  • Fantasy about myself in the future  ( becoming this extremely cool guy )
  •  Very judgmental of people (very harsh in my appreciation of some people because I don’t think they’re cool enough, or putting them in certain categories because they behave some way) also very analytical (always trying to read their minds and guess why they are acting a certain way)
  • Not like myself enough (insecure about my nose and social relationships and feeling like a boring person) which led me to want to be get drunk as much as I could at social events to loosen up (which worked really well)
  • Regret too many things (didn’t do follow through with this girl I was hitting off with, not friends with someone anymore, didn’t continue playing a certain sport)
  • Too self-conscious of other people looking at me, even in the street (doesn’t mean I get anxious, but I subconsciously always look to see if people are looking at me
  • Fantasy about myself that is often too far from reality ( being this cool guy and having many friends and having all these people appriciate me.

    So obviously I am no expert but I believe these things are pretty much hardwired in me because of all my reinforcing behavior. Also I have to acknowledge that that period was actually not that bad: I wasnt an outcast and have friends that deeply care about me, but those are things that I really want to change about myself, and hopefully not so more people like me, but so I can appreciate things more and build better relationships with people in general.

    Is it possible to destroy this ego? Is meditation and exercising enough?

    Sorry for the long post but feels really good letting all of that out.

     

    • This topic was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Joe.
March 25, 2019 at 9:05 am #286227
Peter
Participant

Hi Joe

I believe these things are pretty much hardwired in me because of all my reinforcing behavior.

We do become addicted to our thoughts and there has been quite a few study’s showing that our thoughts influence the brains neuropathways.  The good news is that we can ‘rewire’ our pathways the bad news is that as you noticed the longer the habit the more difficult to change.

Many meditation masters may tell you that trying to stop thinking a thought will pretty much reinforce the thought. The more resistant we are to a thought the stronger the hold the thought has (do we hold onto the thought or does the thought hold on to us – when we resist its hard to tell) The advice you might get then is to be like water and allow the thoughts to flow. (detachment – not indifference to the thoughts only letting go the need to hold onto them) The practice being that when you notice the unhelpful/unskillful thoughts you acknowledge them, notice how to feel, perhaps identify what may have triggered them and then let them flow past. The flow of water will reshape any pathway even one of rock.

Is it possible to destroy this ego?

I’ve always had a problem with this question. In the west the idea behind the ego is different then that of the east. In the west the ego plays the important role consciousness. Try talking about being “woke” or about experience without using a personal pronoun.  What ‘woke’, what noticed the experience?

The ego, sense of self is a tool, the experiencer, the communicator between the spirit and body, the conscious and unconscious. The error we make is assuming we our experiences in other words that we are thins thing called ego. Place in popper context the ego isn’t something we need to destroy but understand.

Here is a paradox for you. It takes a strong health ego to let go of ego.

March 25, 2019 at 11:04 am #286267
Anonymous
Guest

Dear Joe:

My answer to  your question: no, it is  not  possible to destroy, or eliminate these “patterns of thought”- but it is possible to create new thoughts, new patterns of thoughts.

We can’t undo neuropathways that are already established in our brains. But we can create new neuropathways.

If you stop doing what you have done so far and do things differently, have new experiences that will benefit you, you will be adding neuropathways into your brain that will new thoughts+ new emotions attached to these thoughts. Quality psychotherapy can be that place for you where you can form a new kind of a relationship (with a capable, empathetic and trustworthy therapist) that will add the right kinds of neuropathways into your brain so that life is better for  you.

anita

March 25, 2019 at 5:27 pm #286331
Joe
Participant

I actually started seeing a therapist about a month ago and I will ask her opinion on that, but I find it easier to really gather my thoughts here.

So if it is not possible to undo neuropathways, is it still possible to ignore them?

 

March 25, 2019 at 5:53 pm #286353
Anonymous
Guest

Dear Joe:

It is possible to not react to pathways, to not do what we feel like doing. It takes self discipline/ control. It is also possible to relax pathways, to calm down the emotions in these pathways by meditating, doing yoga, tai chi and other practices, including lying down comfortably and listening to music.

anita

 

March 26, 2019 at 7:41 am #286405
Peter
Participant

Hi Joe

So if it is not possible to undo neuropathways,

You may find the following books helpful

‘Change Your Mind, Change Your Life by Gerald G. Jampolsky MD  or

Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

is it still possible to ignore them?

Ignoring your thoughts can work for a time I guess however in the long run will only end up reinforcing them.  You sweep them under the carpet until you eventually trip on them.  The practice of mindfulness isn’t about destroying ego or engagement of will power to prevent unwanted thoughts from arising. Its about noticing your thoughts and not attaching your sense of self to them. In this way they flow through you instead of getting bottled up and messing up your day, week, year. Eventually a thought that might have sent you spiraling downward for weeks might be dealt with in a day or even hours.

March 28, 2019 at 7:54 am #286709
Peter
Participant

3 Ways to Stop Obsessing and Start Enjoying More of Your Life

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