Hi Kate, I’m just wondering if you have ever had any psychotherapy for what you have gone through? These feelings you’re having of depression, guilt, emptiness – are most likely all stemming from the effect these experiences have had on you. What I hear from you points to Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, abandonment,  abuse that was never validated, & possible dissociation. (Don’t let these terms scare you. All they are are descriptions of natural reactions to traumatic events.) These are things that need to be assessed by & worked on with a professional in order to help your feelings of being empty & lost. Also, seeking out a support group for Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse could be helpful for you. When someone lives in an environment where abuse or violence is tolerated or ignored it begins to feel “normal” to some extent & you don’t realize that what you have endured is not okay. It is not “no big deal”. You have experienced severe trauma more than once on top of parental abandonment. These are not small things. You can look up information online & read more about it if you haven’t already. Look at rainn.org for a list of the effects of child sexual abuse for adults. This might help to make sense of some of what you’re feeling. It’s important that you realize that all or most of the symptoms you’re experiencing are probably  stemming from these traumas.