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Down after losing my job

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  • #155528
    David
    Participant

    Hello all, 1st time poster. I was recently let go from work due to the fact that I wasn’t doing my job properly – which isn’t true. I suspect that one of my (now former) colleagues bore some sort of grudge against me and several others and so has conspired through my line manager to have my contract terminated prematurely. Obviously this has hit me hard and I went on a bit of a boozing spree for several days until I finally cracked and confessed all to my wife & parents after I came home from walking the streets drinking vodka !! (I had contemplated suicide but I’m too much of a coward for that).

    This isn’t the first time something like this has happened as I count myself very vulnerable to anxiety and low mood (won’t say depression) and I ended up in hospital for 10 days last year after a similar booze induced breakdown. I’m also have some sort of ADHD and I’m a chronic procrastinator – bills don’t get paid on time or don’t get paid at all even though the money is there.

    All in all it’s been a rough 2 weeks since I lost my job but I’m getting through each day as it comes with support from my wife, parents and my GP who prescribed Mirtazapine for me. The only thing I need working on is the feeling of resentment, anger and need for revenge for the person whose spiteful actions has put me in this present position.

    Bit of a meandering post I know but I’d be interested in anyone else who may have been in a similar situation to myself ? I am meditating each day with affirmations via YouTube and they do seem to help.

    Blessings to all

     

    David

     

    #155536
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Hi David…I hope that when you read this you are well on the way to embracing amazing things that will take you down a road that surely leads to a life of happiness. When you said, “The only thing I need working on is the feeling of resentment, anger and need for revenge for the person whose spiteful actions has put me in this present position.” I respectfully disagree because of the operative words, “the only thing.” Am I correct in my belief that your “boozing spree for several days” are not a sudden knee jerk reaction or rare moment? I ask this because I get a sense that alcohol occupies a great deal of your life. Alcohol is the judge, jury, and executioner and plays havoc not only on you but your family and relationships  as well. When you said, “This isn’t the first time something like this has happened as I count myself very vulnerable to anxiety and low mood (won’t say depression)” I must again with all due respect to you my friend, challenge this by saying that there are many expressions of depression, with your desire to contemplate suicide being one. With you saying that “This isn’t the first time something like this has happened as I count myself very vulnerable to anxiety and low mood (won’t say depression) and I ended up in hospital for 10 days last year after a similar booze induced breakdown.” being another. When people resort to alcohol as a means to avoid their responsibilities to themselves to manage issues of negative effects, they in essence are only masking the problem rather than confront them and make the necessary healthy changes. Whether it be a chemical imbalance in your brain of the effects of an adverse upbringing, or a combination of both, your depression is something of a priority that needs to be dealt with and I think that by being an active participant in making what I call a correction in direction, you can be a key architect in making the changes you need to and become the beneficiary of a beautiful life. I got your 6 my friend.

    Pearce

     

    #155878
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi David,

    I just wanted to advice instead of focusing on everything negative going on, perhaps you can instead focus on creating possibilities. I like to make a To Do list each day to make sure I do the things that need to be done so I don’t procrastinate. I also like to focus on the things I want to change and have happen, and then make a list of goals, and then to take the first step toward achieving one of those goals. The feeling of progress is magical. Try to allow more hope into your life. Try to find the perfect job that you can be happy working in. Get out and try new things! There is so much beauty and hope we are missing when we become locked into negative ways of viewing life. Break free and have fun!

    As for anxiety, one piece of advice I got from I got from “DARE: A New Way of Dealing With Anxiety” that has really helped me is to try to use that jolt of anxiousness to propel you to get excited about life. Turn toward the anxiety, don’t fuel it with more fear. Then do something you love, smother than negativity with positiveness.

    Also, I heard depression is caused because there is something in your life you haven’t moved on from. Is there anything in your life that is like that? If so, maybe you can make it a goal to start to move on and create a sequence of steps that will lead you away from it at a pace that doesn’t overwhelm you, a “weaning off” this something.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by Mark.
    #155912
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear David:

    You wrote that you need working on “the feeling of resentment, anger and need for revenge for the person whose spiteful actions has put me in this present position”- the person you believe brought about the premature ending of your work contract.

    There is this unfortunate situation: people hurt people, often from the very beginning of a person’s life: parents hurting their children. In school, children make fun of and bully other children. Dismissive and disrespectful treatments happen repeatedly through life, in the contexts of the family, work place, road/ driving, online communication, and so on.

    Sometimes we believe a certain person is deliberately disrespecting us when in reality they are not paying attention, for example, a person daydreaming and not noticing you are there, and therefore not saying hello (the case not being the person noticing and not bothering to say hello).

    As often as possible, it is a good idea to assert oneself with people who disrespect you or harm you, to let them know you noticed their disrespect and that you disapprove of their behavior. And then, adjust your interactions with that person, not interacting at all, if the person does not sincerely apologizes.

    At times it is not practical to assert yourself with the person who disrespected you, maybe this is your case. Maybe you are not sure- and would need evidence, which you don’t have- that this person harmed you. In that case, if there is nothing for you to do, try to come to peace with what happened, for no other reason but the fact that you cannot change what happened.

    There is a part of the serenity prayer that I like: “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

    Unfortunately, what happened at the work place, you cannot change.

    anita

    #155914
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * didn’t submit correctly…

    #156406
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi David,

    I too am on Remeron (Mirtazapine), but sometimes, when we have a chemical imbalance, we may need an additional medication to help. I myself am on a cocktail of medications. I suffer from Panic attacks, severe anxiety, so I am on meds for that. I have difficulty due to personality disorder managing my emotions, so I am on Topamax. I had severe trauma, so I am on Busphar to help me manage that. However, medication alone while a Godsend, is not a cure-all, I believe therapy, and medication are the best at alleviating negative thoughts, procrastination, self esteem, hostility, resentment, anger. When I got on these medications for the above issues, the medications, made me want to get out of bed every morning to get the therapy I needed.

    I then read the book “What Color is your Parachute” a book that will help you find a job that you will be hopeful and excited about. It will ask questions, and give you career choices based on your responses. I am also in 2 12step programs which have been very helpful. I also have a job and life coach. I hope you feel better soon. The best way to feel better, is to write down things you like to do, and what you like about yourself, and things you are grateful for. Keep us posted.

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