@anita

Its actually extremely similar to what ive been experiencing , Repeating the same questions , always checking wheter i love her or not , going online for answers , trying to get help from tons of people just to get the same answer and a bit of comfort for awhile .

Ive decided the last website i go that is related to my issue is this one , without searching any kind of meaning on what wrong with me , also , that situation did made me grow and understand what really love should be all about , not the butterflies or the excitement but to be there for eachother , ive had a discussion with my friend (Also the last person im going to discuss it with) and he told me he had the same experience when a thought “am i gay” came to his mind (hes not against gay people nor do i ) , he told me he was anxious , barely ate anything and he slowly started to believe his thoughts , he went to therapy and he described it like “fooling his mind to think other thoughts” forcing himself to do stuff and to take other prespective , and things slowly gone away .

Now i have no idea what was or is the feelings i had before all this happened , but i know for sure relating it to my girlfriend was a mistake , because it triggered so much other stuff and can actually extremely relate to ROCD .

Im trying to change my point of view and just basically live my life and my relationship , not looking for answers , its hard and tough and hella annoying but discussing it with the entire world will just deepen it , im also going to a therapist tommorow , works with CBT and is an expert with relating physical thoughts to thinking patterns, she sounds nice and she wanted to hear backgroudn on the phone , and really cared for me (Even asked if theres any problem with money because im young and to tell her if theres any problem)

Anyways , i really am trying to change how i think , i started meditating , focus on the positives of my girlfriend while ignoring the weakness\tight throat\ahtever feelings i get in the moment and if all else fails ill try going to medicine for a while , but i want to fight it before i “give up” .

@anita

i suppose thats true , i actually remember my girlfriend asking me a day before everything started , just before we went to sleep if everything was ok , nothing was wrong so i simply said “nah , everything is fine , what makes you think about that ?” and she replied that i was dreaming , and i remember asking myself if everything was fine , maybe something grow that night and the next morning i started getting that feeling

Do you think by any chance that was what triggered it ? i didnt remember that part happening until today after discussing everything with my friend .

Anyways after reading your comment , i can feel my body is more relaxed , i just need to remember those advices throughout the hard times too .

@anita

Will do , thanks !

And by “grow” i mean that maybe after she asked me if everything was alright out of the blue , and i actually took a second to ask myself if everything is fine , it made me wake up with those thoughts . Im not blaming her ofcourse ! but im just trying to piece together what made me feel this way from the beginning

@Anita

What ive meant is that i had that “gut” back feeling before i thought about the idea of my girlfriend , but maybe my subconscious or whatever thought about the night before because of what she said ?

Or was it an actual medical condition that was made up as a mental feeling in my mind ? i dont know .

I just remember feeling before thinking about it , but maybe im wrong .

@anita

Imagine you get an odd feeling on your upper back that can be felt advancing a bit to your arms and shoulder.

My mind instantly related it to “i dont feel doing something” kind of feeling

it resembles the feeling i get when i dont want to go working out , more or less i think ? i cant really remember my exact feeling, i just remember something wasnt right

@anita

That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to reach myself , obviously if i expect that feeling near her it will show up , but it’s hard not to after a month of constantly checking back and forth

ive visited a therapist yesterday , she’s super cute and after the first meeting told me it looks like I’m doing those rituals , taking my thoughts and making them my reality , she told me to write down everything that scares me each day and makes me feel this way until next week , she told me that I’d its only a month then it should be easy to break the loop , so I’m hoping for the best .

ive gone out with my girlfriend yesterday and tried as much as I could not to check myself or overthink and most of the time things were good , she’s still my best friend and I still love her , things have just gotten normal I guess .

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Ben.