Belle78,

I’m sorry for the pain that you feel. I know nearly exactly how you feel. I almost felt like your story was telling the story of my past relationship! My ex and I were together for 3 and a half years. He was pre-med and ended up going to dental school across the country. So his schooling, preparing and testing was very rigorous and intensive. It was his first priority as well as your boyfriends. I fulfilled the same role of being his little helper, his sidekick, etc. He appreciated a lot. My ex also has communication issues and his love language is touch. He struggles very much so with verbal communication as well. The majority of our relationship always felt unbalanced and that I was always asking for more. We actually broke up once a year for a couple months at a time for our entire relationship because of this same reason. I always needed more than he could provide. Things took a turn during our last year when I finally decided to not get my happiness from him anymore. I took up yoga, and it became something to do after work some nights. It became something of mine that had nothing to do with him. Is there anything that you can do that fulfills you that has nothing to do with him? I know you are long distance now, but regardless, I think this will help. I’ve come to see that instead of trying to fix a problem that you’re struggling with or want to forget, if you add things to your life that you love and make you happy, those problems either seem to fade away from your attention or fix themselves. I learned that when I took a step away and started nurturing myself and keeping myself more occupied, he came to meet me in the middle. People have an aversion to do something when they feel obligated, pressured or pushed.

With that said, he did end up leaving me when he had to move across the country for dental school. We aren’t together now but we actually just reunited this past weekend and are still very much in love with eachother. However, i’m not sure it’s going to work out because of distance and his busy school schedule.

It may hurt, but just focus on yourself. Don’t chase him. If you focus on making yourself the best version you can be, the people that should be in your life will be drawn to you and stay around. Good luck.

Hi Belle72,

It looks like you have gotten some good advice, so I don’t have much to add, however, I will use a quote, I like to use, because it is so very true. “Never beg for someone’s time, attention or love, if it is not given freely, it is not worth having”. Keep us posted.