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Double edge sword. What to do?

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  • August 5, 2017 at 8:28 am #162288
    AW
    Participant

    I am a 25 year old female, I was sexually abused by a distant relative till I guess I was old enough to understand how to say no. Maybe 11? I didn’t tell anyone, not my parents not my friends…no one. I suppressed everything as though it didn’t actually happen.

    This is no tragic story, I have had the most amazing life so far. I have the  most amazing family, I have spent my life traveling, competing in my sports career, I am open minded, open hearted and I am so happy. I am truly grateful and blessed every single day, maybe sometimes when something like this happens you learn how to truly find pure strength and happiness.

    I am  now in a position of influence, from a professional sports career, from social media, media.

    I want to help people, help people find the kind of happiness and joy that I have gotten from life. Because I chose to fight back the excuses, I chose a different path from most and I have found a life I am so proud and happy in.

    If I add this chapter to my book, to my speeches….I feel as though I am destroying my family. How could my parents live knowing this has happened to me, not to mention rest of the family and his family I would be destroying? I am happy, this didn’t destroy me….but I dread to think of the damage it would cause a happy family.

    Am I being disingenuous not to share, I could help women who have had similar experiences. Show them how to not let it beat them, instead make them a stronger person. To live happier, more real and grateful lives.

    I am torn. My suppression is lifting and its more so on my mind than ever before. ….

    A x

     

    August 5, 2017 at 9:29 am #162302
    Sun
    Participant

    “Any person, regardless of the circumstances, can decide what shall become of them—mentally and spiritually.” – Viktor Frankl (Holocaust survivor) Man’s Search for Meaning

    AW,

    The fact that you have found happiness despite the abuse, the trauma, the insecurity, the memories that surface when you’re forced to act on a brave decision (the “double-edged sword”) makes you a warrior. And as cliché as it sounds, you have only gotten here by following your heart.

    I wish I could tell you what to do, but I can’t. I can only remind you of the heroine you are to every young girl and boy that has experienced sexual abuse, and the obligation you have to be true to yourself and them.

    You are 25, young but with so much to offer to this world. You sound bright, optimistic, you’re writing a book and giving speeches—but let this be the last time in this life you feel torn over the garbage that man imposed on you. And as a writer myself, there is only one way I know how: feeling my painful past in every inch of my body and soul, sitting at the keyboard, remaining in this damaged state until my catharsis has cried out onto another chapter, essay, or poem.

    If your heart is telling you to open the flood gates, pull the lever. Let the world know what you’ve been through and drown it with courage. And even if you don’t mention it to anyone, you’ll always have the chapter and speech ready to inspire others.

    – Sun

     

    August 5, 2017 at 10:29 am #162308
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear AW:

    What I would do, if I was in your situation, with your concern is to make sure that the story I am thinking of sharing, for the purpose of helping others, is likely indeed to help others. I will see to it that my story will include adequate description of the abuse, the negative affects and effects (consequences) it had on me, followed by a detailed description of my healing and/ or management of those consequences. I would then describe my professional success made possible by this healing/ management.

    For other women to be helped they need to see how you helped yourself and how you were helped by others. They need to see the steps you took, how you did it, so that they can duplicate parts of it best they can.

    I would also research existing books of the kind you intend to write, see what those books include and find out how many people bought those books, and what was the public response to those books: what helped and what did not help.

    I will decide then whether to share my story publically by weighing the chances my book will help against the damage it may cause.

    anita

     

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