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Dont know what to do

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Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
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  • September 23, 2014 at 5:28 am #65411
    lexy99
    Participant

    Hi,

    Im 24 and still living at home with my parents. We get on great but I feel like my life is hold on at the moment. I have a job ive been in 7 months that I dont enjoy and I dont feel like its what Im meant to be doing, I know that for certain. I go straight home at the end of each day, back to my parents house, barely any social life, where the only space I have is my room and i cant really call that mine as its not. I feel like when i move out and get my own place my life can finally start as I’ll have freedom and be able to do things the way i want, make new friends. (I live in a small village so not great)

    Ive decided that I do want to move away (about 2 hour drive max) and do all these things and im trying to get excited about change and get up the courage to ‘just do it’ but the main thing im scared about is a new job. I previously worked at one place for 7 years and changed so i get office/admin exp and now work for an insurance company and dont really have a clue about what i want to do. Im interested in getting invovled in student support/advice in higher education and think that getting a uni admin job will get my foot in the door.

    Im terrified that if i move to a new town, rent a flat and sign a six month lease, get a new job etc, that I’ll hate it all and want to go home which i cant just do. If it all goes wrong ill be stuck on my own, paying for something i dont want anymore, doing something i hate. Of course i know that the odds are just as likely that i’ll love it.

    How can i get over these fears and have the courage to just go out and live my life and find out where its going to take me? I just wish i could know if things will be alright eventually and what i’ll end up doing, until i do i feel like im frozen and jus going through the motions of everyday, not living.

    September 24, 2014 at 1:45 am #65445
    Emma
    Participant

    Hi 🙂
    I am in exactly the same position as you at the moment in the sense that I am 24, still living at home with my parents and am doing a job that is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I am, however, moving out in December to rent a place for 6 months and yes I am terrified but I think that if i didnt take this opportunity I would regret it and always wonder what if! My advice to you is take some time to think over moving away but ultimatey I feel taking the risk is better than potentially missing out. It is scary I totally understand that but even if you don’t enjoy it the fact that you have taken the plunge would be a huge step forward and will give you more confidence in yourself. A 6 month lease is a good start as it isn’t really that long and i’m sure your family will always be there for you and they will be proud that you tried! We can never know for sure that things will work out ok but we can try our hardest to make them. We get one chance at life and you’ve should grab every opportunity with both hands. I hope what i’ve said has helped a little bit. Good luck 🙂

    September 24, 2014 at 5:07 am #65466
    lexy99
    Participant

    Hi Emma,

    Thanks for your reply! I tried moving out a while ago and lasted a grand total of one night. luckily I managed to get out of my lease. i do think though that if i moved away to a new town i would enjoy it more. Im just not sure if its what i really want.

    Without meaning to question you youir intentions, is the move something you’re really excited about or are you going for it even if you’re not sure? I keep having doubts that im really not sure if i do want to move away or if ill miss my family too much

    September 24, 2014 at 5:24 am #65467
    Emma
    Participant

    It’s a funny one to explain I’m excited about moving as I’ll have more freedom and independence and I think it will really boost my confidence but I am really nervous about living on my own and I’m scared I’ll hate it but I feel I just have to go for it, does thAt make sense?
    I have done research in to the town I’m moving too which has helped, I’ve visited a few times, walked around the local area and familiarised myself with the amenities, I think that’s really important and I suggest you may be try that too before you make a proper decision.
    I don’t know what I really want at the moment but I don’t think I’ll find it staying home, it’s just like you said it’s not living really just sitting in my bedroom then going to work etc and again I get on great with my parents but it’s not enough!
    Also I know full well I’m gonna miss my family like crazy but they’re on the other end of the phone 🙂 and yours will be too, it’s gonna be hard at first but the main thing that will help is getting out there and meeting people, I’m planning to do some volunteer work on the side at first to meet people so I don’t feel so alone, I met my best friend through volunteer work a few years ago so hopefully that can happen again

    September 24, 2014 at 5:42 am #65468
    lexy99
    Participant

    Thanks so much, I feels good to have someone in am almost identical situation to me. I think you’re right in saying that you’re not going to fine yourself or your path in like by staying ah home.

    The place I want to move to is where I went to uni so I know it well and loved it there but I’m looking for jobs in other places to and will visit before I make a decision,

    its just the waiting while I’m looking for a job that makes my mind start wondering and questioning everything

    September 24, 2014 at 9:46 am #65479
    Shiai
    Participant

    Wow, now I feel old. I am 29 but almost in the same situation as you all. Been working in a different country for 5 years now and I hate it. Everyone in my family keeps saying I am lucky since I got masters degree, have a nice job and earning well. So I have a secure future; being single as well and living with relatives help in cutting down expenses. But who I am right now, I can say, is not who I really am. I have to appear happy because everyone expects me to be.

    Since I was a kid (and an only child), I have always stayed with relatives. My parents are separated and my mother lives in a different country. MY father’s MIA. Basically, I was sheltered growing up. In fact till now that I am at this age, most of my relatives still treat me like a kid. They make decisions for me, which is really crazy! I mean soon as I open my mouth and say what’s in my mind they’re like I know what’s best for you so do as I say. I tried telling them before that I want to move out and experience living on my own but got shot down immediately. That’s why I am frustrated because I am starting to believe that they really are right. What if after I moved out and left my job to follow what I wanted to do, turned out it was all a mistake?

    Exploring who I really am, basically is starting over again for me and I am terrified! But, I truly want to live my life! The life I made based on my own decisions. Do the things I want to do without worrying of what others will say. Funny thing is, something happened and if I really want to live this life I have right now all I need to do is just lay out the alas I have at hand in front of them and voila, I can get out of this country faster than you can say “Dont know what to do.” but it will hurt the people I care about and I don’t want that.

    Anyway, I am giving it a year. Don’t care if I have to live from scratch and go job hunting again, as long as I reclaim the life I lost then I will go for it. I don’t want to wake up again asking myself ‘why am I doing this’? The only problem now is how do I tell them and how to prove that I can do it (and I am really not confident that I can pull it off alone or may be I am just afraid…)?

    September 24, 2014 at 9:48 am #65480
    Katie
    Participant

    Hi Dawson!

    What you’re feeling is totally normal…it IS a scary thing to get out on your own. I moved 12 hours away from home when I was 25 to be with a boy. Relationship broke apart, moved back home for 1.5 years and here I am at 30 (!) and just moved out on my very own for the first time. And I go from being jumping-out-of-my-skin excited to scared to death. And I only live 20 minutes away from my mom.

    I think you need to remind yourself that nothing is permanent. A 6 month lease might seem like a long time to be away from home if you don’t end up liking where you’re at, but in the end it is only a couple seasons and you can move back home at the end of it. At least you will know being that far from home is not for you and you can then aim your efforts closer to home. For the last couple months, I was coming up with excuse after excuse about why I couldn’t move out right now. I was waiting for the time to be perfect and in the meantime, I, like you, felt like my life really was on hold. While I love my mom more than anything, I felt like still living with her was starting to eat away at my self confidence, which was in turn affecting every area of my life! So I decided there was not going to be any perfect time and I just needed to frickin do it already even if it didn’t feel 100% comfortable. What was my alternative? To still be living at home when I was 31? Not for me.

    I guess what I am saying is…some things just HAVE to happen. Like moving out. I guess some people never do, and that is ok – but if that’s not what you want, then you just need to decide that it’s going to happen, you are going to have uncertainties, but you will deal with it. It’s this kind of challenge in life that causes us to grow and develop strength!!

    September 24, 2014 at 10:05 am #65485
    Shiai
    Participant

    I really love what you said Katie. Thank you. I guess I have to do it then, after all I wont be here on earth forever.
    We need to live the life we want and if we reach hurdles in our way it can be good experiences to make us stronger.
    What’s life without challenge anyway? 😉

    September 30, 2014 at 3:09 am #65785
    lexy99
    Participant

    Hi everyone, thanks for your replies.

    It seems like everyday I change my mind about what i want. One minute Im ok with moving up to 2 hours away, then i want to stay at home, then I want to move only a little bit away.

    I especially like what Katie said, I feel exactly like this and I can feel my anxiety rising and confidence fading with each year Ive been home since uni – I, like you, felt like my life really was on hold. While I love my mom more than anything, I felt like still living with her was starting to eat away at my self confidence, which was in turn affecting every area of my life! So I decided there was not going to be any perfect time and I just needed to frickin do it already even if it didn’t feel 100% comfortable

    Ive found a job I was thinking of applying for which is 2 hours from home, but im not sure if even want the job, or want to apply for it. If i get an interview it then wont be worth the sick day to go to it if im not prepared to move there.

    Im just so mixed up and everytime I come up with some sort of plan, someone says something which makes me rethink everything again. The only ‘plan’ i have as such is the idea of taking a fixed term job so I can get experience for a year or so and if i dont like the job area or the town then i have an end in sight and can move.

    For the rest of the time i just sit reading through tinybudda articles about taking risks and forgetting fear and while i understand it and know it makes sense, its nit sinking in enough for me to get up and say yes im going to do it.

    September 30, 2014 at 3:10 am #65786
    lexy99
    Participant

    Im also a big advocate of gut instinct, and for me, this job just feel right. Does that mean that i shouldnt bother applying?

    October 1, 2014 at 7:28 am #65856
    Nerdy Creator
    Participant

    Hey lexy99 and the rest,

    I’m just wondering why moving out is so important to you? Freedom? Independence?

    I’m from Singapore and I left home to work as an animator in Malaysia. I move because there’s opportunity in Malaysia. I would rather stay with my family members though because I love them so much. Even though I get irritated by them sometimes. :p But that’s the beauty of family. It’s cool and fun to explore other cities. But I still prefer to stay with my parents. Maybe it’s an Asian thing. lol.

    Lexy99: If you feel like you are going to regret not taking up the opportunity, go for it. Being fearless is not about having no fear. It means you go for it despite your fears. And don’t hesitate to move back if things doesn’t work out. People make mistakes all time. Making mistakes give you the experience to make better a decision the next time. I spent five years as an accountant before I realize that I should do something creative instead. It’s okay, just change and start over again.

    Regards,
    Yong Kang Chan (aka Nerdy Creator)

    October 2, 2014 at 2:54 am #65896
    lexy99
    Participant

    Hi,

    Thanks for your reply, I know you’re right, Im terrified but this is something I feel I have to do to take my first steps into proper adulthood.

    Good new though, I found a job I want to apply for. Its 2 hours away and its a fixed term contract until July 2015 in an area I really think I’d like to do. It seems perfect as I’ll have more than half a year to look into it and if i dont like it then there’s an end. The application date isnt for another 2 weeks so im going to work on it, ask a couple of careers counsellors to check it for me

    October 2, 2014 at 8:58 am #65906
    Nerdy Creator
    Participant

    Hey lexy99, that’s great news! Good luck! 🙂

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