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Don't know what to do

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  • February 20, 2014 at 7:28 am #51430
    Kelly
    Participant

    Hi,

    I am new to this site but I feel I was drawn here for some help. My boyfriend and I got into a terrible fight 2 weeks ago and he refuses to talk to me. I have texted, called, sent a gift that I had gotten him prior to Valentine’s Day and nothing. He is the first man I have allowed myself to have feelings for in 4 years. I feel like my heart is broken and it’s a sadness that doesn’t leave me. I even had a dream last night that we finally talked and when I woke up and realized it was just a dream I started crying. I can’t shake this. In our fight I said words that hurt him-and I’ve apologized a million times and he will not respond. I know I can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do, but this is killing me. If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it so much. I’ve read books about moving on and getting over a break up, I’ve cried endlessly, I talk to friends and family…and it’s just not getting better.

    Thank you in advance for reading this and any help that can be given would be greatly appreciated.

    February 20, 2014 at 8:06 am #51435
    AikiBen
    Participant

    Hi Kelly,

    Give him space. Meaning don’t talk to him, sent him messages, anything, for a while. I know that it is really difficult when all your instincts tell you to do otherwise, but I think you’ll just be pushing him further away with all your efforts. You’ve already tried this anyway and it hasn’t worked so far, most people in this situation, when something doesn’t work, think that trying even harder is the answer, but that just creates more resistance.

    Once he has space then if he wants to continue seeing you then he will, if he doesn’t he won’t, as harsh as that may sound. But you can’t force him to feel differently, and the more you try to make him move in a certain way the less he will want to go that way, it’s counter-productive, so that’s why I think the best thing to do right now is to give him space.

    Ben.

    February 20, 2014 at 8:18 am #51436
    Kelly
    Participant

    Ben,

    Thank you for that advice. It’s been a week since I have initiated any contact. He will be deploying soon and I am terrified he will go and we will not have at least made some sort of ammends by then. But it’s his choice now so it’s up to him. I just wish I could stop this sadness, the dreams…it’s like I can’t escape it. I know people have been/are going through worse than this but it’s such a raw hurt…it hurts constantly.

    But thank you for the response and I will of course take your advice-there’s nothing more I can do anyway. I’m trying to believe and have Faith that this will all work out but it’s looking more and more futile as the days pass.

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