Dear Eli:

Your heart is not stupid or wise, it just wants to love and be loved, that is the nature of a heart.

Regarding clothes he  bought you, you mean? What I would do is sell these clothes if possible, or keep them. If they bother you a lot, then sell them  for any price or give them away.

*These clothes and gifts are not … sort of ownership documents. He doesn’t own you. Your value far exceeds the money he spent on these  gifts.

anita

Dear  Eli:

Some people will  blame you.  But then, some  people will blame me for what I typed here for you. Some people do blame me every day.  So what?

Yes, it is uncomfortable, even distressing when others blame us, disapprove of us, not liking us, think bad things about us… but everyone  does, we can’t prevent it.

Think about this: in prisons, people who committed terrible crimes like murder blame other prisoners for doing worse crimes, in their minds.  So everyone blames everyone.

It is wise to think before sharing information with another person: what is the purpose of me  sharing? What do  I want to get by sharing this? Let’s say you are  in a therapist office and  by law all that you share is confidential, and  your purpose is to understand better and  feel better, then it is wise to share.

It is unwise to share with a stranger, one you don’t know at all, a person who can use  the information  you share against you. Let’s  say you share  with a stranger, or a person you don’t know well, so to feel better, and let’s say you do feel better but later  that  person shares what  you shared with  another person, gossiping about you. That will make you feel bad.  This is why it is not wise.

If and when you move to a new place,  better start a new life there, and  not  share the  past there except in a therapy setting or .. maybe, with a very  trustworthy person you know for many  months. Maybe.

anita

Dear  Eli:

Like  I wrote today, your heart is not  dumb, and like  I wrote to you a few  days ago, you do not lack intelligence. We are not born with wisdom. No one  is born with the  ability to evaluate another person for being good or bad. This is  something you learn early if you are guided  by a loving, attentive and emotionally healthy parent.

You didn’t  have such a parent and  neither did I. So you wasted five years and  I wasted fifty. As a matter of fact, everyone wastes time, many  waste whole lives.

Better learn now.

Post more, I have time and power (electricity) to respond to you this morning, the electrical lines were finally  fixed before 3 AM this morning!

anita

Dear Eli:

What a  lot of people do when they regret having spent  so  much time and  hope and energy with a person, is… going back to that person and investing even more  time and hope  and energy, so to undo the waste. It is a  trap  of sorts.

anita

Dear Eli:

I know the  feelings,  Eli, you are not alone  in this. What  happens next,  most  of the  time, is  the person gets scared and goes back to the relationship, even begging the  person  to take them back. It’s the  fear and the pain. If that happens, you  can still  write  to me, I will  not think badly  of you.

I do  hope though that you will somehow have the courage  and the strength at this time to do what is right for you. The choices that  are  right for you are always those that  give you dignity.

anita

Dear Eli:

You are welcome and I am so glad to be reading your recent  post before I get away from the computer, I was worried. I think you are doing very well and if I am very impressed by your courage and strength, as well as your willingness to do the right thing  for you.

I will soon be away  from the computer and  back in about sixteen hours. I hope to read from you when I am back, looking forward to it! Post anytime you’d like, any number of posts, will reply when I am back.

anita