Home→Forums→Relationships→Don't blame please I m with married man
- This topic has 119 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 10 months ago by Anonymous.
-
AuthorPosts
-
December 20, 2018 at 6:45 am #270135EliParticipant
Dear Anita
I asked him he said I can not leave her alone with out any money I can not forgive my self I do this so of course I will give her enough money and flat in her name car and I will support my kids and well and if she accept this I can see my kids every time I want as well and will come and live with you in our flat .
In other hand is she don’t want to stay and ask for divorced it’s get more complex but in this time my kids can decide for their self stay with her or me and we can go to court for have deal when I see my kids .
And he said she can accept you and accept I live with you and she has her own life and my support .or get divorced and don’t accept you so in this case it more complex and difficult for me.
He continued for sure I will not stay with her forever
December 20, 2018 at 7:28 am #270143AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
His plan is to financially support his wife and kids and to visit his kids regularly if he doesn’t live with them. I understand this part. Here I s my problem with his plan:
He said: “if she accepts this”, that is, if she accepts that he financially support them and that he can visit his children regularly, then he will move in with you.
But on the first page of your thread, you wrote: “his wife always make fights and problems for everything”- doesn’t read to me like a woman who will accept what he wants her to accept.
His plan includes the following: if she doesn’t accept his plan and asks for a divorce, then the kids will be asked with whom they want to live and he will turn to the courts to decide on the terms of life after the divorce.
To look more into the divorce option, I would like to understand what happened before when he tried to divorce her (“he one times tried divorced her”, page 1)- what happened?
There is one more thing: he told you that he “did not touch my wife she always complaining and do said I am busy I am not in mood”- does this mean that she is still pursuing him to have sex with her? And if she does, how many times will a man say I-am-busy, or I-am-not-in-the-mood? I mean, over time, there has to be times when she sees that he is not busy?
In other words, if his explanation to her about not having sex with her was that he has permanently lost his sex drive, that reason can work on the long run, but I-am-busy and I-am-not-in-the-mood are temporary excuses that are not likely to work on the long run.
If I was you, I would bring up the topics I just did with him, calmly, patiently. It will take more than one or two conversations to figure out the sensibility or lack of sensibility of the plan, as well as the sincerity of his intent.
anita
December 20, 2018 at 9:08 am #270181EliParticipantDear Anita
I know so good his kids are so important for him and they are first pioripri for him.
And in other thing I must say he is Egyptian his wife as well .and one time he said oh I know her family will make some problem for her or if before 5 years I want to divorced her maybe she take my kids and go to her family and I can not see my kids again after than I convince him and she can not take kids with out hispermishis p or court permission and she can not survive with out his support . So he accepted that she can not do it .
And about divorce they had horrible fight with each other and he said he is fed up and want to leave her and she can stay in this flat or go to other flat so he sign paper for divorced and just he must take them to court and wait for 6 months for divorced happens automatically but when his wife saw papers took them and put them in rubbish and she get calm and he said oh she got her lesson but it’s her last chance her last chance for sure.
And about he has sex or what excuse exactly he said I don’t know really just I know the kids sleep with their mothee
December 20, 2018 at 9:17 am #270191AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
What did he mean by “she got her lesson but it’s her last chance”- what was the lesson he hoped she learned and what was or is her “last chance”?
anita
December 20, 2018 at 9:23 am #270193EliParticipantDear Anita
She does not like the first kid from his first marriege and always said he must go to his mother and other thing is that she always said to him why you traveled alone going here and there.
And lesson maybe he means Yani she understand he can leave where divorced her easily and about last chance he said Yani of other time she make problem and fighting he will divorced her for sure
December 20, 2018 at 9:37 am #270201AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
Reads like he has a terrible marriage, that he made a poor choice of a wife, considering she mistreated or still mistreats his 16 year old from his previous marriage, and given that she fights with him a lot, if that happens in front of the children. And he is a bad husband for not making the marriage work or leaving it. He shouldn’t be doing both, a marriage and a love relationship with you. He should do one or the other.
I wish he resolved that marriage for the best interest of his children.
It is not looking good to me, meaning, he doesn’t have a clear, good plan, not good enough. It is an iffy kind of plan that depends on the reaction of whom he describes as a highly emotional, unreasonable, argumentative and impulsive woman, his wife.
I suppose what matters most is that you make the best choices for yourself, make your life better on the short term and long term. If you do, it will happen to be what is best for all involved.
anita
December 20, 2018 at 10:20 am #270219MichelleParticipant“And in other thing I must say he is Egyptian”
I think it’s important to factor in cultural expectations when considering the situation. It is not as easy as just leaving a wife for a mistress, certainly not in Muslim/Islamic culture. There are societal/family (extended) obligations that aren’t being mentioned. This man is, unfortunately/apparently, in an unhappy marriage but it is what it is*. I don’t think you should have any expectation that he will resolve that situation anytime soon. He is using you.
*I also think a lot of men exaggerate the “hardships” they have with their spouse in order to garner sympathy from the other woman. I wouldn’t take everything he says at face value. Also, if his wife is miserable do consider that he has had REPEATED affairs. She has reason to be miserable. Again, I feel he is using you. Women seem to be a pawn for him to get what he wants.
You can’t control him but as Anita stated, you can only make better choices for yourself moving forward. I would suggest you do that.
December 20, 2018 at 10:45 am #270225EliParticipantDear Anita and Dear michelle
Thanks for your reply
As I told you I brecaked up with him and had fight and after my first date I feel bad an dnext morning I got message from him and we start talking again
.after I talking and sharing with you my eyesget opend and I see this relationship better than before .I don’t know how deal with leaving him after 5 years I really don’t know can I pass this or not?
I don’t have any friend and any supportive family he was my every thing .and dear michelle as like you said yes I heard in their culture divorced is not easy and even they can have more than one wife.i remember one time he told me if you want be sure I want you we can go to Egypt and I get married with you there.
My god please tell me what to do I said every thing and share all them with you please tell me what I must do
Thanks
December 20, 2018 at 11:18 am #270245AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
I want to write to you next when I am rested, or after I am rested, which I hope to be tomorrow morning, in about sixteen hours from now.
For now, I would say, having read your recent post, if you are fed and sheltered now, if you live in a safe, comfortable home, and you are warm and fed, then there is no emergency. You are okay, alive and likely to live another day.
This is how I see my life primarily: make it to another day.
Next is: how to make tomorrow a better day?
Ending a relationship that is hurting you is a good choice, and this relationship is hurting you. But you have to have a plan to end it and keep it in the past. You need some social support, to not be as alone as you are now. You wrote: “I don’t have any friend and any supportive family he was my every thing”- when we have nobody, we will accept anybody and anything.
Be back tomorrow. Please do not despair, Eli. Relax best you can, take a break from thinking. You don’t have to find a solution this very day or evening, no emergency, correct?
anita
December 20, 2018 at 11:33 am #270249EliParticipantYou are right dear Anita I took one Xanax for take rest and sleep and I really need to be relax Anita please. Reply to me again I am waiting for you thank you so much .good luck
December 21, 2018 at 5:54 am #270307EliParticipantI have other news as well the guy how I had date with him he said to be you are beauty but very complex and I think you are not reading for relationship so we will not have second meeting
December 21, 2018 at 11:27 am #270329AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
There was a strong wind storm where I live, electricity is still not available and so I was not able to use the internet until now, temporarily as the private generator is operating, providing me with electricity (and internet) for a while, for how long, I don’t know.
Yesterday you asked: “please tell me what to do”- I don’t have the right to have such power in your life, to tell you what to do. No one here has the right to have power over you.
See, for one thing, I am not there with you, not able to hold your hand and calm you down when you are upset, to be there with you when you feel sad and lonely. So if I tell you: Eli, you must end that relationship, I will not be there to comfort you when you feel sad or scared.
And I do not provide you with money, so it is not right for me to tell you to end a relationship that provides you with financial support.
I think that what it comes down to is: do you have a better option than this married man in your life?
The man you had a date with, you wrote in your recent post that he is not interested in a second date, so he is not an option, although I wish he could be a decent friend to you, not a boyfriend.
Back to the question: is there a better option for you-
When we don’t have a better option, we make due with what we have. But what if there is a better option, maybe it is a hidden option and if you look for it, you will find it.
It will be wise to look for and take advantage of a better option. Not just a better option of a man: single, honest, kind, and available to love you the way you need to be loved, but a better life option overall. What if you can plan for a better life..?
anita
December 21, 2018 at 12:43 pm #270347EliParticipantDear Anita thank you for update me an so hope you be fine and safe
Dear Anita in my first date with this man after that he start talking and jocking with sex and relation and he was so interested to have sex even after first meeting I said no it’s early I am not ready in very polite way then he message he is not interested more and can you please tell me after how many time we must have sex first date second date I really don’t know how manage it
December 21, 2018 at 12:52 pm #270349EliParticipantDear Anita I feel I am useless I can not find right person or I don’t know what I did wrong he want in first meeting we get so closed I am really tonight more sad than last night
December 21, 2018 at 12:53 pm #270351MichelleParticipantEli – just out of curiosity, how old are you?
If you are looking for a person to form a respectful relationship with, then I wouldn’t suggest having sex with them until you are sure you can trust them and that they are committed to you. This will probably take more than one or two dates.
Finding the right person will take time. They won’t be a married man.
- This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Michelle.
-
AuthorPosts