HomeāForumsāRelationshipsāDon't blame please I m with married man
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December 17, 2018 at 12:49 am #269573EliParticipant
Hi every body I have other problem I have one date but I am not sure to go or not and honestly I feel so bad I can not cheat on him some thing in my heart stopped me and I feel so bad I don’t know how explain is the guilty feeling or feeling like sinner .I did not even call to this New guy for fix I don’t know what to do.i think it must be easy but it’s not what shall I do
December 17, 2018 at 4:55 am #269583AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
“I don’t know how explain is the guilty feeling or feeling like sinner”, you wrote. By guilt/ feeling-like-sinner, do you mean that you feel like you are cheatingĀ on your married lover if you go on a date with another man?
anita
December 17, 2018 at 5:35 am #269589EliParticipantDear Anita
I know it’s not reasonable my lover is married but I really feel so bad and I feel I cheat on him I don’t know how convince my self
December 17, 2018 at 5:51 am #269595AnonymousGuestDearĀ Eli:
In your original post you wrote: “He told me he is married has kids and family but I am his family as well”– this is the part that may explain why you feel like you will be cheating on him, the feeling that you and him are a family.
You feel very attached to him, had great time with him day after day as he visited you, and as you traveled together, so you feel like a couple. You wish he didn’t have a wife and you get angry that sheĀ is partĀ of hisĀ life, but you feel better thinking that they sleep in separate bedrooms. So… in your mind, you andĀ him are a couple and his wife is a woman who sleeps in a separate bedroom, I figure.
But will you definitely not be cheating on him if you break up with him first and then date other men?
anita
December 17, 2018 at 6:11 am #269601EliParticipantDear Anita
I am thinking so much about leaving him and I left him 2 times but after few days we come back to eachother even one time I met one man I thought he can be fine but he was not suit for me and after 2 times I said him no sorry and I back to my married lover .I don’t know is it strong bond between us or I say lie to my self. I don’t know how go to date with cloths that he bought for me with phone is my birthday gift with all things is from him and all emotionĀ I have about him .one side of my character is so selfish and even maybe look so devil but I don’t know what to do with him
December 17, 2018 at 6:19 am #269603AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
I feel better reading that it is only “one side of (your) character is so selfish” and not allĀ of you.
Well, here is an idea: he supposedly lives with his wife as a roommate, they interact but have no sexual interactions and they sleep in separate bedroom. You know his situation.
What if you date another man, have no sexual interactions with that man and tell your married lover about it, so he knows your situation just likeĀ you know his. He interacts with another woman andĀ has no sex with her, you interact with another man and haveĀ no sex with him.
Does this make sense to you, as a possible solution to your current dilemma?
anita
December 17, 2018 at 6:23 am #269611EliParticipantDear Anita
When I met him he told me I want lover only with me no other man .some times I told him do you know how much I suffering when I see you you are in same home with her she carry your title wife and she has kids and she is legally your wife an di am not .and he always said yes I know but you have my heart I love you I see my future with you ….. And I am sure if I said to him I want meat other man he will not accept
December 17, 2018 at 7:00 am #269615AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
So there is an established lack of equality: it is okay for him to have a wife who sleeps in her own bedroom but it is not okay for you to have a boyfriend who also sleeps in his own bedroom, and even better: his own home!
And this lack of equality is established by his money that finances your travels and shopping.
You used the word “mistress” so I just looked it up and found that Wikipedia has an entry on “Mistress (lover”): “A mistress is relatively long-term female lover and companion who is not married to her partner, especially when her partner is married to someone else. Generally, the relationship is stable and at least semi-permanent, but the couple does not live together openly and the relationship is usually, but notĀ always, secret. There is also the implication that the mistress is sometimes ‘kept’- i.e. that her lover is contributing to her living expenses… A mistress is not a prostitute… the principal difference is that a mistress has sex with fewer men and there is not so much of a direct quid pro quo between the money and the sex act. There is usually an emotional andĀ possibly social relationship between a man and his mistress, whereas the relationship to a prostitute is predominantly sexual.”
Well, according to this definition, a prostitute is free to have as many sexual partners as she can handle and a mistress is expected to have “fewer men”, not necessarily just one. If you want to remain his mistress, according to Wikipedia, as I understand it,Ā you may be able to negotiate the terms of the relationship to include a few men, not just him. Or if it is to be just him, then there should be some Ā adjustment in the terms of the relationship?
anita
December 17, 2018 at 7:22 am #269621EliParticipantDear Anita I understand and thanks for this definition . But in the real world we don’t fallow the correct definition that’s are in dictionary for example about justice it has clear definition but in each country there is special rules and laws for achieve it .
And about him and I I know I am lover but lover with some rules.
I know and understand and thank you but I don’t know what to do
I know it’s acceptable and reasonable to have real bf but I know he will not accept and I am worried I break up with him and I can not find suit guy for myself as well
December 17, 2018 at 7:59 am #269629AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
“in the realĀ world we don’t follow the correct definition that’s are in dictionary”- what if you make your own definition, what if you define your desired relationship with a man and then go for that definition in your life?
And what if you can have a boyfriend who isĀ single and who will travelĀ with you, both, not one or the other…
anita
December 17, 2018 at 8:28 am #269637EliParticipantDear Anita
Even this realationship it’s not ideal but its okey.
I prefer some times be alone do every thing I like say every thing I want with out limit .
I don’t like to explain and convince people and some times I am not in the mood for talking .
I want to have my freedom and my privacy
And I want my partner love me care about me support me as well and do the best for me.
I like going to travel and shopping an di don’t like to accept responsibility I prefer to control my own life only
December 17, 2018 at 8:41 am #269641AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
Freedom is important to you, to have alone time, to be say and do what you want to say,Ā without limits, to not owe anyone explanations, to not have to convince anyone of anything, to ā¦ not have to get permission from others, I suppose. To “control my own life only”-
I can relate. It feels like a trap to be stuck all the time with a person, to be imprisoned in many ways, imprisoned by what-will-people-think and having to get permission to live your life as you need your life to be.
Freedom is a good thing, necessary, really, for one’s emotional well being.
anita
December 17, 2018 at 9:03 am #269661EliParticipantDear Anita
Some times I think its better I don’t start any relation and stay in relationship.
I think I can not accept it even I don’t think I can be good wife as well .
December 17, 2018 at 9:21 am #269665AnonymousGuestDear Eli:
Maybe your experience is similar to mine: as a childĀ I felt very much trappedĀ in the relationship with myĀ mother. There was no space for my thoughts, my feelings… me. It was all about her thoughts and her feelings and what-would-people-think or say. It felt like being squeezed into a tight prison space with hardly a placeĀ to breathe!
Anything like that?
anita
December 17, 2018 at 9:52 am #269675EliParticipantDear Anita my mother always compared me with my cousins an digger girls at Same age like meĀ we have wave relationship together some time she loves me so much care about me and hug and kiss me other time she was even regret to take me to this world. I never understand what’s her emotion about me but I always try be nice and kind and take care of her she never said even thanks .
Some times I feel I am extra barden for them so I left them in first chance but she fallows me .
About my bf I think he is only person care about me show me love and supporting maybe because of that I feel so attached to him
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