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Done with the negative engery – I HOPE

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  • #114220
    Sue
    Participant

    I was once married to an alcoholic and went to AA and Al-Anon meetings. At the meetings it was always stressed to “Take what you need and leave the rest.” I pretty much apply that to reading and posting on forums, too. There may be good advice, there may be bad advice, but hearing it all helps one to decide which route they feel most comfortable taking, or at least that’s true for me.
    Sue

    #114273
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Yes, I don’t imagine myself as having the one true answer, all I can do is offer my perspective and hope it’s useful. You’re the expert on your problem, there’s no argument there! 😀

    I did want to come back because I want to clarify my initial advice. You said “My initial reaction is that trying to approach her with love and forgiveness gets me nowhere – been there, done that. It’s basically what I’ve been trying to do for years – win her approval by killing her with kindness,” but that’s not what I was getting at. I don’t think you can try to win her approval. I don’t think she’ll ever approve. That’s the part you need to let go of.

    That’s certainly easier said than done, but it’s also the crux of the issue. If you didn’t give a hoot what she thinks of you, her criticism would fall on deaf ears. You’d be like, “That’s nice dear. I’m going to catch up with Janet now, see you in a bit.” You could just watch her being wrapped up in her own endless negativity and feel compassion for her, without letting it touch you. (Again, this is advanced practice, I recognise that.)

    I have an uncle who is unrelentingly critical and negative about everything, and who will say outrageous, sometimes racist things just to see if he can get a rise out of someone. My family deals with this by ignoring him, and feeling kinda sorry for his poor wife. This works well enough for the weddings & funerals level of contact we have with him. Obviously, your situation is not the same, but maybe this is the kind of relationship you could aim for.

    Also limit the amount of time you spend around her though, that seems sensible.

    #114278
    VJ
    Participant

    Hi neverstoplearning,

    “My initial reaction is that trying to approach her with love and forgiveness gets me nowhere – been there, done that. It’s basically what I’ve been trying to do for years – win her approval by killing her with kindness.”

    If this is your initial step in approaching towards the situation and if you have done this in other ways, also try this time to do it “energetically”.

    To do this, you will want to check out on the two methods I have posted on the below link.
    (http://dev.tinybuddha.com/topic/i-can-not-live-normal-anymore-i-can-not-accept-it/#post-113485)

    Clicking the above link will directly take you to the exact post.

    Good Luck!

    VJ.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by VJ.
Viewing 3 posts - 16 through 18 (of 18 total)

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