Hi Katie,

Well that was sweet of you to say that. If only the women on the dating site were a little more like you 🙂 Unless you live in Canada on the prairies, I doubt we will run into each other haha. It was a nice thought though, except I don’t need a ton of fixing. I thought about joking about the guy that you were in contact with, but then I thought that maybe there was a reason that guy escaped into alcoholism to cope with his life. I’ve never been like that. I always saw people getting drunk when things got tough and it never seemed like a good thing to just add to your problems.

I definitely need to do a little more for myself. That’s why it was so refreshing to go out dating again but I know it wouldn’t be good to just be there for another person. It did feel good to share time and be with someone again. Regarding my ex, I went to counseling when my marriage came to an end. Then I saw the same counselor a little while ago, but that was more for me. I don’t have any contact with her unless she is doing something that isn’t in the best interests of the kids. The less I have to do with her, the better. I don’t care about what she did anymore. She is a loser who didn’t care enough about her family and her husband to let me know that our marriage needed some serious work. I’m glad that I’m not with such a shallow and self centered person anymore.

Musically, I’m all over the place. I like a lot of guitar driven music. My sons kind of got me listening to classic rock like Led Zeppelin, The Who, The Beatles etc. Newer stuff would be Muse, the Black Keys, BRMC. My 11 year old is really musically diverse so he’s got me listening to older jazz. A lot of the time, I lean toward hard rock and heavy metal just because much of the guitar playing is a step above what you hear on the radio. I’m not into hip hop, most rap, or new country though. It just doesn’t do it for me. I’d rather listen to classical, which is also cool.

Thanks for messaging back. You sound like a nice woman.

My dating site subscription expires at the end of the month and it couldn’t be soon enough. This day and this time of the year just brings me down. It is disheartening to have always had an optimistic attitude towards dating and finding someone to share your life, but I feel that I have lost faith in it all.
I said I was talking to a woman that I knew years ago, and after telling her that I was attracted to her, it felt like she was toying with me. I stopped texting her a few days ago. If she was truly interested she would have taken it upon herself to send a message. She hasn’t so I just deleted her number from my phone. She was kind of a superficial person so it wouldn’t have worked anyways.
I saw a woman on that dating site that I was in a divorce support group with when my marriage ended a few years ago. I sent her a message, just to say hello and to have a merry Christmas. I wasn’t expecting anything back, and I guess it’s good that I don’t expect much out of women around my area these days, because that’s what comes to me. Is simple politeness that difficult for some people these days?

It’s hard to not be bitter anymore. The women I saw earlier this year, I was a gentleman, and I treated them with the respect they deserved. When I messaged any woman on the dating site, I always sent them decent messages about something they wrote on their profiles because I wanted to know the person.

It’s Xmas time, and for four years running, I get to show up with the boys and myself. I am fortunate that I get to take my boys with me, but I look at all the couples, and I don’t know if I will ever get to be part of that again. I thought I might have a chance earlier this year but that faded way.Heck, now my nephews are starting to bring girlfriends to these gatherings. I just look forward to the gathering ending.

I have come to the point that I feel like I am not worth the effort for women to be around me or even get to know me better. The one that I tried to build a life with, basically tries to use me when it’s convenient for her. When my ex decided to go to her work party a week ago tonight, the boys were at her place. When I talked to them at 9:30, they were told by her that she wasn’t sure when she would home, and they had been alone for 5 hours. They are 14 and 11, and I know they aren’t babies, but they had school the next day.

I texted and asked her why they couldn’t come to my place if she was going to be out late. Her response was to tell me to f-off. I let her know that if she still wasn’t there by 11:30, the boys were coming home to me. She ended up getting there by about midnight. Not before blasting me with a barrage of insults because I wanted to be with my boys while she wanted to stay out all hours.
I have my sons all of Xmas this year. Today I receive a text from her asking to have the boys with her for a few hours on xmas day. It’s like she never said a word to me and never did anything that was selfish towards the kids. She just wants to use me again, like she did and has tried to for years. By the way, she doesn’t have a boyfriend this year, so that’s why she is asking. She never asked any other year they were with me.

I sound like a wallowing wimp. I can’t help it. I feel like I will never have a relationship, a special connection to someone again. I see people do it more than once. I see people who have it and it’s like they figured out the right way to do things. It’s like something I thought I use to know but it’s like that is a lifetime ago.

It sucks to not believe in something that you thought was so special at one time, and that you had faith that you could always get it again.

Hi Katie,
I read your response too, and I had to really think about everything that both you and Adam said. I don’t know if I was looking for someone to make me feel whole again. When I had finally done some dating, after so long, it felt like I was moving forward again in my life. For the last four years I have taken so many steps backwards,in so many areas of my life, that it felt like I was moving forward for a change. I would never think to use someone to just make me feel good. I always wanted the other person to feel good about what was going on.

I don’t think it’s really a matter of only being happy if I find a woman. I just enjoyed getting to know women again. You can only hang around other guys and your sons so much. There are other things that I decided to focus on right now. Financially, I have to get myself in a better place. The stress of that can’t be helping the energy that I am putting out into the universe. I try to be grateful for what I have. I’ve done some journaling, but it something that I have to make a habit, for it to be effective. Meditation is something that I should be doing again.

I guess I was being human about this whole thing. I finally got back a little something for a short time that I lost a while ago, and I wanted it more because of that. Thanks for being understanding Katie. I do take multi vitamins and I have started exercising again. I’ve decided that right now isn’t my time and that I need to do some things to put myself in a better place. For my sons and me.

Thanks Katie, I appreciate all the kind words and I wish you a merry Christmas too