Hi Steve,

I agree with Tir. I’ve been through my own doses of relationship trauma and trust me, going through your healing process first, before starting anything serious, is good for you in so many ways. It’s a tough balance though, because no one wants to feel alone while they are healing and going through major changes and upheavals in their life. Sometimes when we are hurting, we feel pulled even more strongly towards new relationships, because our need for love/belonging/connection/understanding/support are greater than ever. If you have solid, loving, supportive relationships in other areas of your life (such as friends or family) now is the time to turn back to those. These people already know you well, so talking about deeper issues and emotions won’t be as weird with them as it would be with a date or new friend.

I’d also suggest seeing a therapist. It’s not for everyone, but you’re already asking yourself the questions a counselor would ask and help you find answers for. It might sound ironic, but couple & family therapists (CFTs, MFTs) also specialize in helping individuals heal from divorce and damaging relationships. Individual therapy feels a lot different from couples therapy, but not in a bad way. Especially if you want someone to talk to who can actually give good relationship advice.

Wishing you peace & healing,
Jessa