Hey Matt, I’m sorry you’re struggling with depression. This must be really hard, especially because you say you’ve lived a very happy life before. Let me start off by saying that I am sure you can live a happier life again.

I took the time to read through your thoughts and can see that you took some time to reach your conclusions. However, I’d like to challenge a few of your thoughts if you will:

You say
“Therefore, I and many other people who suffer from depression and anhedonia (lack of pleasure) are inferior with inferior lives compared to our much greater counterparts (the people we would of been if we instead had our full pleasure in life with little suffering in addition to our achieved greatness and in addition to our achieved benefits). We are also inferior with inferior lives compared to those who do have their full pleasure in life with little suffering and little to no depression in addition to their achieved greatness and benefits such as compassion and many other such positive forms of greatness and benefits.”

To me, this way of perceiving people is not very compassionate nor great. How can any person even be inferior? Why do we have to measure up in absolute greatness, accomplishments or happiness? How can that even be objectively measured? And what is greatness anyway? Is being great at music better than being great at selling books? Or the other way around?
I think we all come with different potentials. Who and how we are is a product of our genes, the things we’ve experienced, how we were raised, the encounters we’ve had etc. And because of these factors it can be very hard for some of us to be e.g. compassionate or accomplish things. And the same goes for feeling pleasure. I think most people are trying to be the best they can at that time. And for some it stops at with little compassion or pleasure because they just can’t do it differently at that moment.

But none of this makes anyone more or less inferior than anyone else. It just makes them who they are.

I think you need to realize the same about your own situation. I think you should accept that you’re just feeling depressed and lack pleasure at the moment. You said yourself how you notice it’s making it harder for you to be compassionate. It’s hard to be depressed so don’t view yourself as an inferior human being. View yourself as someone who is really struggling at the moment. And you’re still doing what you can with what you have. And I’m not suggesting, as you had implied in your text, that you should accept that you’re depressed now and that’s the end of the story. I think if you move from a place of accepting that you’re feeling anhedonic right now, you may lose some of the additional pain of not having happiness anymore. And it might help you in finding pleasure again in the future. I believe that you are capable of experiencing happiness again.

But just accept that you’re not doing so right now. And maybe strive for absolute bliss might be setting the expectations too high?

You say: “Some people would also say that without pain and suffering, then there can be no pleasure. But this would be false. A baby can be born into this world without having yet experienced pain or suffering and immediately feel happiness and love being in the arms of a mother.”

Actually, when a baby is born, it’s quite likely a very horrible and many hold even traumatic experience. The baby leaves the known, warm, dark womb only to be forcefully pushed outside into a cold, noisy, bright, unknown world.
We can only experience the day as bright because we know night. And we value a warm tea much more after we’ve just escaped the cold rain.

I can sense that this is a very personal issue for you and so I hope I didn’t step on your toes here. From reading this I also get the vibe that you’re a great person and I truly hope you can find your pleasure again. May I ask for how long you’ve been struggling with depression?

Much love

Matt, sorry about your current state of depression. I don’t have any profound answers for your analysis except that the feelings and thoughts of despair, rumination are the parcel of depression. You aren’t inferior for having depression just like someone isn’t inferior for having a broken leg or a cold. It’s a medical illness.