Hello Lisa, if you know you should go to the doctors, you probably should? In addition, I’d like to suggest an idea if you want to try it. The one thing we do more of when we’re depressed is to obsess over ourselves at the exclusion of everything / everyone else. Any practice that can change the focus from you to something / someone else would be ideal to take the focus off of you. This is an idea I read in a book called “29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life” by Cami Walker. Here’s an excerpt from Amazon:

“At age thirty-five, Cami Walker was burdened by an intensified struggle with multiple sclerosis, a chronic neurological disease that left her debilitated and depressed. Then she received an uncommon “prescription” from South African healer Mbali Creazzo: Give away 29 gifts in 29 days. 29 Gifts is the insightful story of the author’s life change as she embraces and reflects on the naturally reciprocal process of giving. Many of Walker’s gifts were simple—a phone call, spare change, a Kleenex. Yet the acts were transformative. By Day 29, not only had Walker’s health and happiness improved, but she had created a worldwide giving movement. 29 Gifts shows how a simple, daily practice of altruism can dramatically alter your outlook on the world.”

Would you like to try it? If so, I hope it helps!
Namaste, Saiisha

Yes – worrying never gave us anything good in return 🙂
And if you do want to focus on yourself, maybe focus on the parts that bring you joy, that make you come alive, that make you feel good inside!

Dear lisa15:

you wrote: “You would think life would be great now but no matter what i still don’t feel 100 percent”- I wouldn’t think that life would b great at 27 after you made lots of progress. Not at all. The problems that brought about the anorexia and that were brought about by the anorexia- these don’t go away completely making the way clear to a Happily-ever-after existence.

On the other hand, you are catastrophizing right now- and understandably so- being afraid that all hell will break loose and you will go back to as bad as things were.

I understand your fear. I was diagnosed at one point with anorexia as well. I too went to the doctors and was on anti depressant for 17 years for naught. No efforts to help me heal, only prescribing any pill I wanted at whatever dosage.

My advice to you is to find effective ways to calm yourself, calm yourself throughout the day and night, breathing, meditating, comfort by a loving partner, whatever works. Accept where you are now, not comparing yourself to an ideal self in a happily-ever-after story that s.h.o.u.l.d be well and dandy and is not. Accept that you are experiencing difficulties right now. And at the same time acknowledge the healing and progress you have made, believing, that you can count on a good part of that healing and progress to stick through this difficult time.

ANd then, see, if you can, a good psychotherapist, and over time maybe get off the anti depressants with the help of a good psychotherapist…?

So there is a short term planning and a long term planning- as you know, you can’t count on “the doctors”- count on yourself and on a few others that are trustworthy in your life and do everything in your power to help yourself, one step, one little step at a time.

anita