Hi anita,

This is a whole new learning curve for me “one step at a time” I need to deal with what is going on now and not too far in the future. It is going to be a long road to its one that is worth while. Sometimes I fall into old ways and panic and overthink and worry “what is the next step” but I recognise now that its simple and its dealing with what is in front of you, like you say.

I saw a post online the other day and it said “The first step to getting somewhere is to decide you are not going to stay where you are” It really resonated with me and were I am at the moment. Knowing what changes need to be made is a very important step.

Thank you as always

Lynda

Hi Anita

I just just looking over your last advice as right now I need to calm myself. I managed to move out of that flat and I handed over the keys to the landlord. He was very difficult and aggressive and although I am glad it is all over and I am out of there with everything that happened, I am physically and mentally exhausted and very emotional/depressed. My friend has told me this is normal after a move and I am trying to remain positive, I just don’t feel myself this past few days trying to get everything sorted and look after my son has been very hard. I am very scared, I know, it was a move in the right direction, I just do not know where I will be next Friday…..my friend is back next Friday and I will need to find somewhere else to go. I have applied through the local council to see if I am eligible for emergency accommodation till I get myself sorted and I am presented with so many forms. My friend has said we can housesit for her when she travels again in July till October so I have a option there.

What is the best way to handle situation when you feel it is not in your control, If I go down the emergency council route I may end up somewhere far from where my son and I have always lived. I don’t know. I am going to keep asking people I know if they know anything and see what is out there. Events that can happen in life can feel very much out of our control but then I suppose it is how I deal with it and how I move forward. I think I stayed far too long in that situation , as you know, and now I am depressed, it is not easy when you feel ill and just need rest, but then I have the power too to try and deal with my anxiety and be honest with what I need.

I just wanted to share that with someone, I value our communication, I have been through a lot and at times feel very lonely.

Lynda

Thank you Anita 🙂

I am currently taking a few deep breathes and concentrating on my behaviour and my next few actions. Today I will walk slowly and be present for myself and my son, stop beating myself up for my current situation and try and be the best mum I can be. I have made some mistakes but I have to find that inner calmness. I will look on you tube this evening for a guided meditation and also tomorrow when my son is in school do something that will help my mood.

Lynda

Gosh Anita, that gives me great confidence that I can be the best parent I can be, whatever my situation. Thank you I suppose giving your child your love and your time is the best gift you can give them Lynda

hi there anita,

I am staying with friends, as you know, we are currently moving from friends to friends, as you know and we have somewhere from July to October, but its whether its possible to keep moving from friends, I am finding it difficult to have the space to breathe and think even about my next move. It is especially difficult with a 4 year old.

I have also gone through the council, for emergency accommodation, being homeless they have a duty of care, I went to look at a flat/apartment they wanted to offer me and its not great, very packed and busy, and not something I would usually go for, in an area that’s quite a way from friends, and I have to make a decision over next couple of days. I feel scared. What will I do with myself in a flat I am not completely happy with and I do not want to go through what I did at the last place. There feels a lot at stake too as I am had to really appeal to even get an offer of a flat and it means signing a contract. I suppose I am just a bit upset about what they have offered me, and feel very much that I am part of a system that is not good for my well being.

having stayed with friends I have realised that I love living with other people around others and my motivation and structure of the day has got better, my friend has put me in touch with co operatives in wales who live as part of a community and I very much would like to pursue that avenue, but I know I need to do that with a clear mind and at the moment I feel tired. It would also do my son very well to be around children on a daily basis in this atmosphere. my mental health is better to as appose to being on my own, were it was easier to slip into a depression and I became quiet isolated.

Part of me just wants to run, what’s keeping me here, but with no clear plan I worry.

I am doing breathing for my anxiousness and it is helping. And also it has helped my relationship with my son,

I hope you are well Lynda

Hi there Anita, thank you 🙂    the wales idea is a very much one I will continue to explore!! My refusal to the council for emergency accommodation the housing officer has now put me in touch with a housing association who have offered me a 2 bedroom flat, it is very cheap and I could sign a 6 month contract! I have felt very free this past month or so as I have been able to visualise a better future for myself and my son ! I do not have any permanent place in wales unfortunately after enquiring and I wonder if I decline this offer of a flat I will put myself in a difficult circumstance, I am very torn but feel that possibly the flat would give me short term security while I look at the wales option. The council are saying this is my last offer and I am aware of the time I have left staying at friends. The flat is clean and close to friends still, I just feel upset, I don’t know why !! My friend has said if I feel safe in the flat and it is secure I could just stay there for 6 months until I have a set plan, which is very true, I just feel a bit heartbroken. Anyway the council want a reply today, the flat is new and clean and very safe but it is an overhaul no matter how long you are somewhere, bills , etc. anyway thank you for listening Lynda

Yes anita you are right,  that is the reason. I also hate how I feel so downtrodden going down the council route filling out forms and answering personal questions, questions I don’t really want to answer to people I do not know. Such as at the council they wanted to know why I had left the last property and what medication I am on for my anxiety and why my family do not support me. Those things are painful for me to have to explain and it is all written down, I think it is that, that it is all written down, esp when I want to move on from my situation. I don’t want to have to prove what benefits I am on or give bank statements because it just makes me feel vunerable and also its almost like the change you want to happen, such as coming off benefits is a longer process almost like a catch 22. I have been side tracked a little by this process at the council and also feel like I will never get out of the benefit system etc. It has felt soul destroying and not given me time to reflect on the next possible move because of course the plan that the council set up you have to follow if you don’t you are intentionally homeless. I don’t know why at times I don’t jump at chances that are offered and take more risks because now after all of this process I am going to live somewhere were I would not chose and that in turn feels like I do not know how to make my situation better. I suppose once I am feeling more mentally rested I will be able to see what my next move is but I am a bit miserable at the moment. Sorry . Thank you for listening

Lynda