I am really reaaally trying to make friends. I have been kinda talking to this one group of girls who live on the same floor as me in my dorm building. I have been constantly making the first moves with them. At first, one of the girls in the group would occasionally come in my room to ask me a question or to just simply talk. We also knew each other because we would both be invited out to dinner occasionally and we would bond there. I also know another girl in the group because we bonded at random times. I know another girl because we talked for an hour. I know another because we talked in the bathroom. Another girl and I bonded at a football game. One girl I don’t know. So I know almost each girl from different occasions. I also know each one at a different level. I have been trying and trying to join their friend group. Last weekend I walked into one of the dorm’s (because they were all in there and the door was open) and simply asked “hey what’s up?” and they invited me to sit on the bed and talk. Everything was going well. I was acting a little bit shy because I am naturally shy and awkward… but I was talking and I always enjoy talking with their group. We all went to dinner in the cafeteria and when we came back we were all talking in the hallway. The one girl who I don’t know (I actually have talked to her on the elevators and in the bathroom before but only small-talk conversations) kept saying “something smells bad” every 5 seconds. I am a very clean person because I have this fear of smelling bad. I wash my body very well (scrubbing every part of my body), I constantly reapply deodorant, I use perfume, and even use wet wipes. I assumed it wasn’t me. I left to go get something in my room and came back. I was on my phone quickly texting my boyfriend (I was still with everyone but I was looking at my phone) and out of the corner of my eye I could see the girl secretly point to me and whispering. I also saw a few heads look my way. I immediately left because I have anxiety about smelling bad. It was one of those moments where I just knew she HAD to be talking about me. I used to shower twice a day in high school. I started crying in my room and calling everyone I know on facetime. First, I called my best friend and asked her “do I smell bad” and I told her what happened. She said I am probably being paranoid. She says I do not smell (we don’t really see each other often… maybe once a month so it’s not like she is always around me). Then I called my boyfriend. He said the same thing… I am probably being paranoid and that I have never smelled before. He also suggested that if it is true that the girl was suggesting I smell bad.. that she is just jealous and trying to blame me (which I doubt). However, my boyfriend and I used to hangout 24/7 in the summer so he may get used to my smell. But now I see him once a week. Then I called my cousin. I only see her twice a year. I asked her if I smell and she said no never.

The next day (Saturday) I hadn’t seen any of the girls.. but I texted one of them asking “hey are you doing anything tonight??”

She didn’t answer for 2 hours then said “I think we are all getting ice cream you should come” So I went to get ice cream with them and I felt a little awkward and sad because I was hoping I didn’t smell bad. I also wondered if the one girl who (may have been) saying I smell bad told everyone else and everyone agreed. Maybe I am overthinking but during the 2 hours she didn’t answer I felt like they thought I was gross for smelling bad.

Then I decided that I was done with the paranoia. I wanted to know if I truly smelled bad.. so I read some articles titled “how to tell if you truly smell bad”

I went through each check list….

I smelled all my clothes after wearing them and my shirt (where my back is) sorta smelled like dirty hair. It smelled like dirty hair only sliiiightly but I know it is always stronger to other people. Then I ran my fingers through my hair and on my scalp… and it smelled like dirty hair. I wash my hair every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. But I only use shampoo and conditioner on Monday and Thursday while on other days I only use conditioner. I personally thought this was okay because I do a lot of research on how to make your hair become healthy and grow. I was following advice of hair experts saying to only wash your hair once or twice a week. I thought a lot of people do this. Mostly everyone I know washes their hair every other day at most.

So could this be how I smell? Because of my hair? If so…. does the group of girls think I’m gross? They haven’t reached out to me ever since the first 2 weeks and I am always making the first move. Could this be why? Will they forgot that I smell if I just start washing my hair everyday? Do you think the girl was talking about me? Do they think I’m gross?

All these questions are running through my mind….

• This topic was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Katie.