It sounds like the two of you need some personal space to reflect and settle. You from your spouse, he from his, and both of you from one another.

To take a ship trapped in stormy waters and tie it to another ship also in stormy waters might feel more secure, but unless the storm passes, both ships will sink. Two ships tied together will do nothing to affect the storm.

Let no one other than you be your rock of stability and calm. Find it within first before joining with another. When your foundation is strong and you don’t feel like you need to cling to anyone for salvation, escape, support, to be a crutch, you will see things more clearly and avoid the pitfalls of co-dependency.

When both of you feel free of any bondage, who knows, it might lead you together, it might lead back to your spouses, or it might lead to someone completely different. But ultimately, the work has to begin from the inside-out.

• This reply was modified 11 years, 7 months ago by John.

Hi Sabrina,

You have the answer hidden in there. You know that you guys need to take some time off and get a grip on your situations. I can understand that the more you think about him, the more are the contradictory thoughts. Right now, you have put all your baskets in one basket by focusing your entire life, the present and the future on him. While it’s definitely not wrong, with this, you have become vulnerable to anything and everything revolving around him. You feel so heavily invested in this that you want something or the other out of this, and very quickly at that.

But you need to try and look at this as not “everything”, but “something” special. Be your support first,when you feel bad/good, feel it within yourself first. There needs to be some reflection , and deliberation on things outside the relationship, understand how the life is, financially, emotionally, get a clear understanding of what the life is now , how can you both sort the issues out ? Don’t just give up on the present and the future.

Time and deliberation. Thinking, is what is needed.

Thanks,
Ashwin