Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Difficult Situation with Parents
- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 12 months ago by
Mai.
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April 27, 2013 at 2:33 pm #34920
Marilyn Briant-Rockmore
ParticipantHello, I think it is so wonderful you have discovered meditation and feel calmer as a result and as a writer, I agree it so helps to write stuff down. I feel strongly that since you already know you are responsible for yourself and your emotions and are taking steps towards self-awareness, you will not follow in your parents footsteps. It is unfortunate that they are using you to vent about their problems, but you have the ability to try and stop this. You are already very clear about your own feelings, so why not say them? Since your parents seem to have no boundaries and you have not yet developed your own, why not put some in place now? It is as simple as saying “I love you and I know you are a great person, but I feel nervous and sad when you xxxxxx. Please respect my feelings and don’t xxxxxx with me anymore. Honestly I feel anxiety and just want to run away when you say negative and mean things to me about mom/dad.” There is a great assertiveness tool that I learned years ago, which so helped me with setting boundaries, called “broken record” which means you say what you feel like one of the above sentences, and when the other person comes back with a “yes, but I really need to share this with you” You reply, I understand, and repeat your original statement…eventually they get the message. You keep on reinforcing the boundary by repeating what you want…
I truly hope this helps.
Love and peace,
Marilyn
April 28, 2013 at 9:12 pm #34955Mai
ParticipantHello,
I found the title of this post very eye-catching because I related to it immediatley. After reading it, I couldn’t stop myself from registering in the website to answer to it.
So here I go.I know what you’re going through. I know what it feels like to hear your parents saying dreadful words about each other, and I also share the fear of becoming one of them someday – hopefully I’ll learn to let go of it.
I think it’s great you’ve learned how to medidate, and to me it’s very clear you have your own perspective of the situation. You know how you feel about that, you’re not confused. I guess that’s the first step, which you’ve already taken maybe without even realizing you were doing so.
Now you should let them know how you feel. Keeping those feelings isn’t fair to yourself; besides, if you don’t let them know their behavior bothers you, they’ll never find out as they are too busy with their own problems.
Having said that, I should also say it won’t be easy. You don’t want to hurt their feelings, you might feel guilty, you don’t want to sound ungrateful. However, try to keep in mind you’re doing that not only for yourself, but for them as well. Maybe it’ll help them realize how they’re living, maybe they’ll even seek professional help afterwards. Maybe not. But if you don’t talk to them, not only will you become more and more anxious, you’ll also do your best to keep distance from them – which isn’t that good either. So go ahead and talk to them. You can do it! 🙂Last but not least, I truly believe we won’t become like that, we can choose our own path, we can work on what bothers us. And we can learn from our family’s mistakes. I’m sure one day you’ll start to believe that and will finally let go of the idea of becoming one of them. 🙂
Cheers,
Mai -
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