I’m 25 and never had a relationship so I know how you feel, your story almost sounds like something I could go through if I’m not careful.

But I am careful, I have standards and you do too, you shouldn’t forget them.

What happened in your life was tough, sure enough, but regardless what you need to work on is your own self-respect and you need to be able to see that in other people and avoid the ones that don’t have it.

You shouldn’t need to A) shower somebody with gifts to get their attention B) do everything for them while getting nothing in return C) allow yourself to be used just because you want something, no matter how badly. I know some part of you already knows all this, don’t be gullible because a girl “finally” took an “interest” in you. Do you really want a girl that takes everything from you just to return a little compassion? Face it, she’s not your type and you should have told her that the moment you thought something was off, trust your instincts.

You also need to realise there are a lot of nice people around, this girl and whomever she hangs out with are obviously NOT THOSE PEOPLE.

I think the problem is that after your bad social experiences, which I can relate to wholeheartedly, you just really badly wanted to be like the people that, let’s be frank; screwed you over. Have what they have, hang out with the people they hang out with, the girls they like. That’s not the right way to go about this, there are so many other types of people in the world.

I was lucky enough to have found a decent bunch of them and that really helped me pick myself up off the ground and I strongly suggest you go looking for the type of people YOU would want to hang around with, the same kind of nice, kind and easy going as yourself. The same kind of girls as well, the ones that have more going on, that are more emotionally mature, the ones that wouldn’t take advantage of somebody.

If you tell a girl that you like her and she ends the friendship there was hardly any friendship there to begin with, start with finding better people to be friends with and grow yourself as a person, figure out exactly what you will and will not tolerate from other people and stick to your principles.

You are already a fine human being, you know what pain really is which makes you a lot kinda and gentler than most, don’t sell yourself short and don’t bother with people who’s heart is a tiny black spot, in the end they’re only hurting themselves by lacking compassion.

Go find good people and the goodness within them and grow yourself as the person you are, not somebody else.

Yeah I’m not into drinking either, I’m not sure where this middle of nowhere of yours is but there are always people around that you can share things in common with. Also the people that you don’t have things in common with can sometimes be a lot more interesting. You don’t really need to be into drinking, I don’t feel anybody really cares about what you’re drinking while you chat with them. It also helps to look past “similar interests” and try to go more towards similar personalities, values etc… the basic core of the human being, cause I don’t think that really ever changes, while interests and other things are just on the surface. So when I say “like you” I mean a similar core, not just what you see on the surface, which means being a little more open minded, trusting your instincts and taking some chances.

The only downside to really sticking to principles and standards is that it’s easy to fall into the trap of being or coming across as arrogant, people hate that, it’s something to watch out for. So if anybody does for example make a comment about your lack of alcohol consumption just let them know you’re fine with alcohol in general you just don’t feel like it and I doubt anybody would pursue it any further.

And finally, when you think you finally have something amazing it’s easy to misjudge or look past faults, to the point where we really start blinding ourselves. It’s not always this way but it does happen and we have to look at things objectively from time to time or even specifically look for faults just to remind ourselves that nothing and nobody is perfect, that way we can make the best decisions.

It’s also obvious this girl has her own problems, unfortunately every one of us has to deal with our internal issues internally. You can only control yourself, not what other people do and in your case I think leaving the whole matter and concentrating on your own issues rather than hers would be a lot better. You did all you could now it’s time for her to deal with her own problems, in her own time. That doesn’t mean you give up your happiness, if you’re not happy you won’t make anyone else happy either.

Dear Simon,

Life intended for you to be many things, but certainly not a “loser.” Being a loser means that you have already lost, but clearly you are still fighting. Relevant Cliche: You may have lost some battles, but you have not lost the war. Think long term here.

You seem to be a strong, gentle-hearted person that is fighting to have a decent life, yet you are constantly being ridiculed for being nice, being used for selflessly spending your money, and being downsized for caring. True friends do not treat one another they way your friends have treated you. It’s time to have perspective on your situation and realize that your on-off girlfriend is toxic to your life. TIme to move on.