Dear Annie:

You wrote: “If you mention anything to him about someone else in passing, he goes straight to that person to share the gossip- don’t mention anything to him about someone else.

You wrote: “If you try and vent or think out loud, he tries to ‘fix’ it”-  don’t vent or think out loud when he is around.

You wrote: “I’m am a pretty laid-back person. I treat others with respect and compassion… I’m great at forgiving and laughing off problems”-

my further advice: behave with him differently than you behave with the other co-workers, not spontaneously but controlled and calculated. And don’t pressure or expect to feel compassion for him- if you manage to treat him respectfully, you are Buddhist-enough, I say.

anita

Hi Annie,

Being the “new guy” he has an agenda. He is trying to prove himself in such a way that does not and will not work. He’s looking for acceptance and validation for his role. Again his insecurity is being expressed in such a way that will not work. It looks like you have been at this company for a while and have a good longstanding relationship with your boss. I say email, text, call your boss and ask for a 30 minute meeting to discuss his approach. I can almost assure you that your boss is not witnessing his style. The important thing is to shut it down NOW before it gets metastatic and affects the whole department.

It never ceases to amaze me that adults behave in a way that we preach to children about not doing. Gossip is nothing but a cheap form of entertainment designed to cure boredom. I think less of a person who does not hesitate to step on others just to shore up their future request for advancement, making it look like they are cleaning house and making improvements. I say stay the course. I think you got this well under control.