We all have flaws Aiyana, not all of us accept ourselves having these flaws and life can never be what we imagine we don’t. Are you involved in any activities? What kind of friends do you have? Does your social circle encourage you and have your back when you are down? Do you have much of a social life and what kind of activities do you do? We all need to have a social circle to some agree, sometimes it is only family and a few really close friends, but those people would drop anything if they could to help us. I think it is important for people to be in situations and around people that they are comfortable with and feel they can act most like them self. Whether it means finding a hobby or becoming a member of a club, going to the gym, something that puts you around people that have something in common with you. Sure, you may be nervous at the beginning maybe a family member will join you until you are comfortable. Once you get out into the world and socialize and have fun, you will start to feel more relaxed and if there are guys you will already have one thing in common. The anxiety is really hard, I had really bad anxiety for my whole life, but you can overcome it. When anxiety arises try to breath into your anxiety, get to know the anxiety. How does it feel? There is a reason its there. You feel threatened. What is threatening you, why are you scared? Ask yourself that when the anxiety arises. Is it of the other people and what they think of you? Saying something wrong? Thats what I would be anxious about, but really these things don’t matter. Maybe you have a different anxiety and it is about something totally different, whatever it may be just remember “This too shall pass.” The anxiety will pass, even if something bad happens to that will pass, unfortunately the good things pass as well, nothing is permanent so to feel anxiety over it is wasting the precious time we have to enjoy our short existence because our lives too will pass, and when we accept that then it is very difficult to allow our anxiety to take us over, because even if we are faced with our greatest fear such as a snake, we might still be a little afraid, but we can accept that “This too will pass” if that snake bites it won’t hurt for long and the more fear we feel the greater chance our thinking facilities get clouded and we do something stupid so instead we face the snake and let them make the decision as to what direction this is going to go, they are faster than us anyway and our best bet is to back away slowly in a non threatening manner, you really don’t want to turn your back on it or try to run but trip. Maybe that snake doesn’t bite because it senses that the individual before them is calm and relaxed and really it is scared of us, thus most likely not threatening unless we make it feel trapped, but we are still dangerous if we stand our ground and that snake is looking for prey as an overly fearful animal is easier prey than an animal that shows poise and focus in the face of danger and can easily turn an attack against them around into an attack against the predator, like a wack on the head with a big stick so the predator became the prey. In a way our lives with other people are like that, people sense our fear and some people are predators, some people are also just as anxious as we are and the anxiety each person just feeds the other person’s, that is why it is always good in social situations if one person has control over their anxiety. Some people display their anxiety in having a bad temper, thus when they feel attacked they lose it and two people are in that situation it is dangerous. Also realizing that this too shall pass helps us in not taking anything for granted.

Dear Aiyana Henderson:

To your question: yes, I dated and am currently married, married late in life when I was 49. I am now 54. I was not capable before of having a good, loving, healthy relationship. I was not even ready when I met my husband, but through my first serious psychotherapy shortly after getting married, I developed the skills I needed to get along with him and then to heal my own self. I am still healing.

I hope you do well as single, which is your plan for now. No rush dating, i say.

anita