Dear Jill:

“I’m grateful to focus on my work and family to keep moving forward… How do I move forward without closure? I wanted to talk face to face to say bye. But sharing my emotions only makes him more paranoid and aggravated… Does anyone…have suggestions on how to accept that my 7 years with this man were a lie?” –

Maybe he suffers from paranoid schizophrenia, maybe from a paranoid personality disorder, maybe from drug-induced psychosis and paranoia, I don’t know. Maybe in addition to any one of these, he is a player, one who enjoys twisted games. My suggestions: keep focusing on your “work and family to keep moving forward“. As far as accepting that your 7 years with him were a lie, I am sure they were not all a lie, just as his life with his wife has not been all a lie. No liar lies all the time, every liar tells the truth once in a while.

But don’t focus on the once-in-a-while, instead, look at the whole picture. The whole picture is messed up, so put that picture in the garbage, so to speak and… move forward.

anita

Jill,

I am worried for you. So many alarm bells going off in my head right now. You don’t want any further contact with this man. He tracked your movements, and bugged your phone. He is controlling, a gaslighter, and possibly dangerous. Stop focusing on “what you thought it was” and mourning the loss of it. Shift your focus to being grateful that you are safe and out of a dysfunctional relationship. Put yourself in the drivers seat of your life and look forward. And find a good therapist who will help you get past this.