Carrie,

I’m sorry you are having to deal with the same feelings. It always just seems so unfair. I think ultimately the biggest struggle is just accepting someone will no longer be apart of your life. And after two years you guys were together he offered a friendship? My ex did the same. I couldn’t. How could we go from being friends to being romantically involved to friends? That doesn’t work! Yes, I wish I had the strength to allow a friendship, but I think it is just hurtful to ask that of someone you leave. It won’t ever be the same. Thank you for sharing your story. It is still tough to think there is someone else out there when all I wanted was him, but there is. You are just starting off in your journey after this break up Carrie and I hope and pray that you find the strength to make it through each day. Always tell yourself you are special and wonderful and that it gets better. I am learning BIG lessons as well and I’m glad you are learning them too! When my ex first broke up with me I sent a letter to my family and kindly asked them to never mention my ex again or speak of him and the advice my sister in law gave me was to not be so hard on myself. I’ll pass it on to you! Don’t be hard on yourself! Of course it all seems easier said than done especially since I’m very hard on myself, but it has been four months since we broke up and it is fading. It will for you too! My email is jshipman04@gmail.com In the beginning I wasn’t eating or sleeping and I had high anxiety and severe depression so if you need any help or just want to talk don’t hesitate to contact me! Thank you Carrie for sharing your story and helping me. You are not alone! You are strong! 🙂

Carrie,

I’m sitting at work at my desk and my mouth literally dropped reading that. The nerve he has! I hope that the “time alone” your ex needs causes him to realize he made a mistake and try to take you back. Then I hope you are strong enough to not allow him back into your life. Then I was surprised you had gotten out of a marriage that wasn’t that great! Now I’m curious, and maybe they aren’t even the same.. Can you tell me why it was easier for you after your marriage ended to move on and were glad? But it is tougher now with this recent ex? My ex was in a previous relationship for 5 years and she left him and he couldn’t get over it even after all the time we were together. Then when we broke up he went back to missing her and putting that family back in his life (I had asked him to remove them and that family the mom specifically would still contact him after I asked her not to so he could move on and we could have a chance at our relationship) obviously not doing anything but staying stuck in the past so he will never move on from her even though she is in a committed relationship and moved on and hasn’t talked to him since. But he could care less about dropping me and going back to missing her and that family. So I guess why does it happen that way? Why was it not as much of a struggle for you when your marriage ended? I hope that doesn’t seem like I’m being insensitive to your feelings I just have a curious mind and want to understand the differences for myself.

You will get through a day without heart ache and not thinking about him and without crying. Cry as long and as hard as you can! Get a punching bag to release anger! DO NOT CONTACT HIM. let him go. It will help you move on. Trust me. I wish I would have had the strength four months ago to just accept my ex broke up with me and not talk to him. It would have made it a lot easier for both of us and maybe things would be a little different. Go out for walks and absorb the sun. If you can, go on a vacation! Do things that YOU want to do. You really are in the same place I was four months ago and the way I handled it was with anger and hatred and crying for months and months. It affected my job and bills and life. I didn’t handle the break up well. I handled it a lot better however than previous because I chose not to resort to drugs or alcohol this time. So for me to tell you go out and do things you love and surround yourself with people who love you and do lots of self-nurturing–it is great but you have to have the will and strength to do it. It all was advice given to me and it seems so much easier said than done. It actually was easier said than done. I stayed in bed and wanted nothing to do with anyone. I didn’t talk to people. I didn’t do anything. I just tried to show up to work and most of the time I didn’t. Now four months later, my heart still has some hurt in it, but I don’t think about my ex as much and I don’t cry as much. Whimpering and some tears every now and then, but I am getting better. I am going to Church again I am doing things that are going to be positive for my life and my mental health. Surrounding myself with positive encouraging people. Making new friends. Letting go of the past and the people who hurt me and not letting those things have control over me anymore. Finding my inner peace and beauty I lost so long ago. I’m not 100 percent, but I’m getting there. I encourage for yourself to really try to get better and get out and love yourself and force yourself to carry on. Get rid of clutter in your life. Cut ties with people who aren’t bettering your life. Believe in time and time will heal you. Don’t give up on yourself. You are all you have! (of course I’m here and so is this community) but you know what I mean. 🙂

Jill,

I hope you find the strength to get through this! You have to remind yourself every day how special and beautiful and wonderful you are. You can’t make others happy and love others unless you love yourself and make yourself happy. Sometimes we forget about ourselves. I have never heard that quote, but oh my gosh you are right. THAT IS SO TRUE! Good luck and I hope you know you aren’t alone!