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Did I lead myself on?

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  • This topic has 124 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by Anonymous.
Viewing 15 posts - 61 through 75 (of 125 total)
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  • January 27, 2019 at 10:29 am #277199
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear H:

    You should have communicated with her directly, not through mutual friends and through her boyfriend, make it one-to-one communication, just you and her. What she tells you and what you tell her should remain between the two  of you, don’t you think?

    anita

    January 27, 2019 at 10:37 am #277203
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Yeah I understand, however she had blocked me on everything- the only way I contacted her was via email and wasn’t sure if she was getting them so our mutual friend told me I could ask her boyfriend just to tell her to check her email (not sure if she was reading them). She had told my mutual friend the reason she was talking to me, who then told me over the xmas period. I did send her another email yesterday, asking to meet up and talk it out… and I agree, it should remain between the two us

    Thanks!

    January 27, 2019 at 10:40 am #277207
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear H:

    You are welcome. Can you tell me in one or two clear sentences why and when she blocked you?

    anita

    January 27, 2019 at 10:53 am #277217
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    She blocked me in june/july. I thought it was because of me always talking about our mutual friend but last month I found out it was because she thought I had been bitching about her to two other girls we knew

    Thanks

    H

    January 27, 2019 at 10:58 am #277221
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear H:

    Reads like too many people involved, gossip and whatnot. Or the possibility of gossip.

    I suppose if you have a group of friends, it is difficult to  have separate, individual relationships with different individuals within the group. Better keep the relationships with all members light and transparent to all, no secrets, no talks with individuals about the others.

    So a personal relationship with an individual would mean that you are not friends with her boyfriend or her other friends outside the relationship with the one friend.

    She blocked you, better respect that blocking  and no longer tried  to reach her.

    anita

    January 27, 2019 at 11:08 am #277227
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I totally understand where you are coming from. I should have said the two other girls we knew- one was just a beauty therapist that we both went to and the other was a girl that never really liked me (neither of us were friends with her). I never spoke about her to anyone…

    The only other person involved was our mutual friend, who told me I should try reaching out to her again and also her boyfriend. It’s not usually something I should do but he was quite adamant I should explain myself and tell her the truth

    Yeah its hard to accept sometimes as it’s really something over nothing.

    Thanks

    H

    January 27, 2019 at 1:48 pm #277253
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear H:

    When you have a relationship with a person and there is a problem that occurs, address it as soon as possible in a respectful and assertive way, then the two people should work on solving the problem in a way that is fair and beneficial to both parties.

    anita

    January 27, 2019 at 2:10 pm #277257
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t have hesitated before. I will definitely take this forward though and communicate better.

     

    Thanks

    H

     

     

     

    February 2, 2019 at 4:29 am #278175
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Sorry me again!

    I’ve gotten myself in a situation with my friend ( my online friend ). I basically followed his cousin by accident on a social media account, and before I could rectify my mistake, my friend found out and we got into a heated argument. I know it sounds like a small thing to do but he’s been getting really agitated with me for the past few months and this was just did it. He told me to leave him and his family alone- I would never wish them any harm and it was just a stupid mistake. I didn’t help myself by telling him it wasn’t me. I’ve never lied to him before but he was already so angry, I was trying to diffuse the situation. Not sure what to do now.

     

    Any advice will be greatfull

    I

    February 2, 2019 at 5:17 am #278179
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear H:

    My post to you today will be about The Problem, not the latest problem:

    Unfortunately for you (and I wish it wasn’t so), when you were a child growing up, both your mother and your father repeatedly expressed anger: “Not sure what they were angry about. All I knew was that they were always angry growing up”.

    This led to your strong fear of anyone getting angry at you. This fear is fueling your obsessive-compulsive behavior of asking people “the same things over and over again or messaging someone repeatedly”. If you send a person a message and the person doesn’t respond immediately your fear that he or she is angry at you escalates quickly, you panic, and you sent the person more and more messages.

    There is only one way for you to calm this fear and to stop the compulsive behaviors fueled by this fear and that is to attend psychotherapy, maybe even consider psychiatric drugs to treat the obsessive compulsive element of your behavior.

    Did you see a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist before, and if so what happened there?

    anita

    February 2, 2019 at 5:28 am #278185
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I was actually doing quite well over the past two weeks, wasn’t being obsessive and was just really working on myself. Then I had a moment of madness which erased all my hard work and I feel though my friend is punishing me for it. I’ve actually been attending psychotherapy and slowly working through my problems as it’s becoming an issue.

    Just had the worst night in a few weeks, constantly staring my screen and looking online regarding what to say.

     

    Thanks!

    February 2, 2019 at 5:44 am #278187
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear H:

    You are welcome. It will not help you (or me) if I attend to your most current obsession, inquire about it, get more details and so forth. Our communication here can be helpful only if we attend to the problem that fuels these obsessions.  If you want to communicate about it, about your fear of your parents’ anger at you as a child and onward, please do.

    anita

    February 2, 2019 at 6:50 am #278193
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Yeah you’re right, I know it won’t. I don’t know how to stop sometimes. The problem that is fuelling my current obsession is probably guilt, fear of loss, being misunderstood and love. So for example fear of anger is a big one right now hence the desperation  to get advice on my current situation.

     

    Thanks!

    Harminder

    February 2, 2019 at 7:04 am #278199
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harminder:

    Think of all the people whose anger you feared for years, fearing they will harm you because of their anger. Did any friend or ex friend whose anger you feared, actually harm you?

    anita

    February 2, 2019 at 7:22 am #278201
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    My friend at uni, his anger hurt me emotionally because all I ever did was help him and care for him. Yes it can be desperate constantly messaging out but I just got used to him.

     

    Another one, my best friend at uni stopped talking to me. Her anger hurt me because I love her a lot and I just wanted her to think of that.

     

    Since the first occurance I’ve just held onto the fact that I make people angry. I fear if I make them angry they’ll leave me which is happened again

     

    Hope that makes sense

    H

     

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