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Did I lead myself on?

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  • This topic has 124 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by Anonymous.
Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 125 total)
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  • #271623
    H
    Participant

    Yeah that’s right, I avoid topics that I don’t want to talk about and focus on other things more.

    Yeah for someone go give me their undivided attention without being present physically reduced the pressure of everything. It felt easy. So I could put on weight and not be judged. The more I was criticised before by family members, the more I started to critique myself which became a vicious circle.

    I’m not entirely sure what bothered him. I guess when I was born he didn’t want another kid?  He also started resenting me for over achieving in academia- he thinks I somehow sabotaged my brothers education.

     

    Thanks!

     

     

    #271629
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harminder:

    You are welcome.

    Feel free to answer or not to answer the following. Maybe you will want to answer later, so come back to it, if you want:

    How is your relationship with your father currently, how do you feel about him and when you are in his presence?

    And your mother, what was her part in your childhood, and now?

    anita

    #271631
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    On days it’s ok but I have this resentment towards him. Sometimes I refuse to be in his presence.

     

    Mum is a lot better now, but I always have it in the back of my mind that she resents me for a lot of things. Used to be up and down as well.

     

    Thanks

     

    #271635
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harminder:

    Is that why you keep asking people the same questions, keep checking if they are angry at you?

    If this is the reason, better figure out what it was that your father and mother, individually or together, were angry at you about, specifically, otherwise you will keep wondering if people are angry at you, thinking it can be anything and everything about you may make  other people angry.

    anita

    #271639
    H
    Participant

    Yes that’s right! I remember once I was hungover lol and my friend(online) wanted to have dinner but I had already had mine. The whole day after I asked him if I had him angry or if he was annoyed with me a few times.

    Not sure what they were angry about. All I knew was that they were always angry growing up.

    Harminder

    #271645
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harminder:

    Well, if you want, tell me about two separate incidents that either one or both were angry at  you, describe the circumstances and what they told you as clearly as you can. Maybe I can help you understand what they were angry about.

    anita

    #271647
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Incident 1

    Over a year ago- I wanted to quit my PhD due to differences with my supervisor. They got angry and basically told me I was a failure

     

    Incident 2- my dad told me I should encourage my brother to do a masters. I said it was his choice and I couldn’t force him. He told me i wanted to sabotage my brothers life in some way.

     

    I hope they’re ok examples, I’ll see if I can think of some more

     

    Thanks

    #271671
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harminder:

    Do you think that it is a possibility that your father feels and have  felt like a failure since you came into his life and probably before, and so he gets angry when you experience a success and tries to rain on your parade, to make you feel like he does,  like a failure?

    I wonder if he shared  with you, or you have any knowledge otherwise about his relationships with his parents, whether he thinks his mother, perhaps, sabotaged him, kept him away from being successful, whether you noticed that he feels angry at his mother/ parents.

    anita

    #271927
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Yes in some ways he does. He feels like marrying my mum and having kids sabotaged his career progression.

    Relationship with parents is quite up and down as again he blames them for holding in back but when In reality a person is responsible for their own choices and actions?

     

    Also, Happy New year!! Hope this year is better than the last one.

    #271987
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harminder:

    You wrote that your father blames his parents “for holding him back:” and he feels “like  marrying my mum and having  kids sabotaged his career progression”. The first is likely to  be true as parents often do hold their children back, and  if that happens in his case, then his parents are responsible for that.

    Regarding his choice to marry your mother and to have children, legally at least,  he is fully  responsible for that. Practically, there may  be a lot  of his parents’ input in his decision, causing  him to choose something  he  wouldn’t have chosen otherwise.

    One thing is certain regarding these  two   things: you are not responsible for these things. There has been no wrong doing or wrong being on your part to lead to his parents holding him back, and no wrong doing or wrong  being on your part  leading to your father marriage and sex with  your mother.

    Earlier you wrote: “The  more I was criticized before by family members, the more I started  to critique myself”- thing is you were wrongly criticized by your family (above two things to start with), some and even most of your criticism of yourself, may as well be about things you are also not responsible  for, or  for things that are  not  wrong doings or wrong-being on your part.

    anita

     

     

    #272571
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Hope you’re well.

    Yes I’m slowly trying to make myself understand that none of this is my fault and that the criticisms by others were unfair. Family members don’t always have your best interests at heart, something I’m slowly beginning to realise that. All with time.

     

    Thanks!

    H

     

    #272575
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear H:

    You are welcome. Yes, “Family members don’t always have your best interest at heart”, true. Better you have your best  interest in heart then.

    Post again anytime.

    anita

    #277181
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Hope you’re well 🙂

    I recently reached out to my best friend, she had stopped talking to me because of some misunderstanding we had. Not spoken for 7 months. I messaged her boyfriend over christmas to see if she was reading my messages but nothing yet. Should I reach out again? Any advice regarding this?

    #277185
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear H:

    Did you mention this best friend to me before- if you didn’t will you tell me about how long the friendship was and how it came about that you stopped talking or if you already shared about it, will you copy and paste the part in this thread where you already shared about this friendship?

    anita

    #277195
    H
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Nope, different one! The friendship was around 8 years, met at uni. We always said we were more like family and did literally everything together. However she stopped talking to me all of a sudden in June, confusing as we had just met two weeks prior and everything was fine. I assumed it was because of me constantly talking about my friend that I know over email (we met through her so mutual friends. So i messaged her and apologized; a few times I emailed her because I was feeling low and I guess I thought she might have calmed down. Recently I found out through our mutual friend that she thought I had been talking about her to two other girls we knew- on any other day she would have asked me out right and believed me but because I had annoyed her she obviously felt hurt by the rumors ( i was probably the closest person to her ) so she blocked me last june. My mutual friend told me to contact her boyfriend, which I did- just asked him to tell her I had sent her an email explaining everything. Luckily, he didn’t reply which is a good sign as he didn’t block me? Not sure what to do next…messaged him over christmas as thats when I found out

    Sounds like a teenage drama sequel lol but it’s been really bugging me and good friends are hard to come by, so I don’t really want to give that up

Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 125 total)

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